Thanks LiS for the heads up. It's really hard to figure out what to do these days when figuring out what to believe when he opens his mouth. Its hard to not want to believe him after being in a relationship with him for 12 years, but this past year and all the lies he told in 6 months time just ruined it all.
We have been talking so much more the past 4 days and he has opened up more and more each time we talk. Even though we have talked and agree we need to separate and put some space between us, he feels like him starting over if we get a divorce is the hard way out and not the easy way out. I tend to disagree. I think running away from the M and not giving it your all to try and work through the feelings and all that is the easy road. Yeah, its hard starting over but its also running away when things get hard.
Yesterday was my b-day. He worked late and didn't even call or wish me a happy b-day until he called at like 6 to ask me what he needed to buy to make cupcakes for a bake sale at work. He asked me what I was making for dinner and I said to him I thought he was taking out to dinner for my b-day since he had said it the night before. He said oh yeah, I didn't forget. So he comes home with a card, no gift...which i didn't expect anyways, and then we went to dinner.
Of course at dinner we started talking about things. I asked him if when he goes out on his own soul searching if this involved seeing other people. He got totally offended and then asked me if that is what I wanted. I told him of course not.
I guess the thing I have a problem understanding is if he says he needs space because he has become numb, then why is he taking me to dinner for my b-day, asking me to go to movies, sitting here opening up to me more, asking my opinion on things, telling me he doesn't want me to see someone else while he is finding himself. Why does it matter what I do or what I say to him so much if he is considering not wanting to be married. Its like he needs this affirmation all the time that I want to be with him or how i feel about him but yet he never gives it to me. I feel like he is my puppet master sometimes and he just messes with my strings just enough to keep me thinking he is moving in a positive direction.
