Letting the shoreline go

[mockers2]

Good morning everyone ~

I hope you are all OK this morning. I finally have a little time to read and post. First of all, I want to thank all of you for reading my thread and posting. It means so much to me. I spend alot of time thinking of you and your wonderful examples of strength. Especially when I hit a rough spot and find myself fearful. I appreciate very much you all sharing your time and thoughts here. I learn so much from reading your threads. This bb is really a stabilizing factor for me. It helps so much to "talk" to those who are experiencing something similar. I have friends who are supportive for sure, but there is a different kind of support from those who have been here. I cannot say thank you enough. God's hand led me here.

Lumpy ~ such great news! Happy 7.5 anniversary! Thank you for stopping by here and checking on me. Hope you and your family are continuing to do well.


Optimist ~ I agree that you can torture yourself and your spouse/R with suspicion. Why it took me so long to realize that i]I am miserable when I awfulize and act suspicious, I don't know. Can't get it through my thick skull? I feel much more at peace when I let go of all that obsessive/fearful thinking. It is a hard habit to break.

I also see what you are saying about the fear being more when things start to improve. I'm right there with you. Have to work every day to fight that. I keep telling myself that I don't want to live my life in fear (Anyone seen Strictly Ballroom? ) This is something I continue to struggle with. One thing that is helping me break this habit is my children. I definitely don't want to teach them to be fearful. Getting better about this - just need to work on this in baby steps as well.

I listened to those CD clips - thanks for the link. Strange how so many of the songs fit!

Hope you are doing well today.


RJ ~ Thank you for your thoughts. I agree with what you said about guys (and girls too, Optimist) liking to know that they are still interesting/attractive to others, but that acting on it is what's important. Thanks for not hitting me with the 2x4, I had been hitting myself with it pretty well already.

Quoting RJ:

Now is not the time to start mistrusting him. I know it's hard if he had an A on you once already but you have to live for now.

This is so true and is what I have been feeling for a while (I tried to say this above in my response to Optimist). This seems to fit with the "act as if" principle. Thank you, again, for your insight. Hope you are hanging in there. Oh, when I was visiting H, we saw a band that consisted of two guitars (base and acoustic), bongos, other percussion (the guy sat on wooden box drum and had all sorts of other things that rattled), a middle eastern type of bagpipe and fiddle, and drums. The vocalists sang in several different languages (Spanish, Farsi (Sp?)and English0. At times it sounded like Celtic music, other times Latina and Middle Eastern. Similar in a way to Rusted Root, but not exactly like that. Really great, interesting music. Made me think of your band for some reason.


Quoting Jackie:

For some reason on the BB we get drawn into different people's threads, some is just luck, the right timing, but here is an element of that person that attracts us to them.

I agree completely. It does seem in alot of ways that you and I are alike. Overall strong, but with a streak of self doubt. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I have found myself wishing we lived closer. Maybe someday we could go to a Flyfest!

The whole self-esteem thing is so hard - especially when things aren't going well in the R. I remember my father saying to me years ago to be very careful about my low self-image, that it could kill our R. (I remember thinking "What do you know, Dad?" Should have listened to him more closely.) But throughout this painful time, I am seeing more and more that my self esteem needs to depend on me, and not on how my H (or anyone else) feels about me. I have to continually remind myself that I am doing these things for me, and not for anyone else. I feel that things are improving now in my R, but also realize how quickly I could return to my old habits/ways of thinking and that things could change quickly as we continue to travel this confusing path. It's a struggle to keep the focus on being strong on my own, for me, no matter what happens, as opposed to thinking I'm being strong to get H's attention, or for the kids, etc.

You are a wonderful example of strength and perseverance, Jackie (also with a great sense of humor, IMHO ). Some days, when I'm having a hard time, I think of you doing karate and it helps me feel stronger! You should tell yourself the same things you told me. You are strong, and are showing your H and children this. You are also standing for your M - giving your boys an example of standing up for what you believe in, and in standing by someone you love who's having a tough time. Thank you, again, for your encouragement.


Brief Update:
I think it's official, although I know things could change at any point in this roller coaster ride, but I think this is a good thing - When I went to pay the rent at "the other house," the landlord said that he appreciates my husband letting him know he won't be needing the house, and that they would be careful not to disturb any of his stuff while showing the house to other renters.

I realize that things will be different when my H comes home, and that the road is still long and rocky, but this is one of my goals from the very beginning of all this mess, so it lifted me up a little to here someone else "confirm" that my H is giving that other house up. Still proceeding with caution.

I was wondering about your thoughts on this - I am clear on some things that led to my H's unhappiness with our R, but am less clear on what led to the A. Maybe they are the same, but this is something we haven't discussed. Do I ask my H? Or just let this come out on it's own when the R talks begin? I don't want to rush him and hesitate to bring up anything negative (the idea of discussing the A at all makes me sick )when things are improving, but I also don't want to repeat the same mistakes again. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated very much.

Thank you ~