PM Thread #5 - Hope new plan works

[PositivelyMommy]

It seems he has contacted our IC for a meeting. My IC has been trying to set us up for a group meeting for the last 7 months. So will see if this time it will actually come together.

My H doesn't want to talk about the two of us at all. Nor does he want to make any decisions right now but since I forced my hand, he may be looking for IC to help him make a decision. Don't know. Actually, I think I can guess, he wants IC to help him convince himself that not stopping us moving away is actually a good decision for him so he won't feel so guilty about it. That's really what he wants, he wants to avoid pain. And right now, getting back together is not an option so the only choice he thinks he has right now is to be 'OK' with us moving thousands of miles away. Well, good luck to him. I told him the other night, in the words of my DB Coach, Joanne, 'I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy.' I really hope he can be happy but I think it will take a long long long long time for him to get there because the guilt will eat him up. He is not a man without conscience. He might stick his head in the sand but he will eventually feel the pain. It is such a shame he won't work with me on this. I am so ready to meet him halfway and rebuild. But he sees no good in this. I don't know what convinced him. Maybe having OW. Maybe he thinks that he cannot possibly change or I cannot. But he is convinced, I know that.

I have to tell myself, just enjoy today, don't worry about tomorrow. I am envisioning my new life everyday and it gets easier and easier. I can't envision H coming back though, I guess in my heart, I know he is not ready and don't know if he ever will be ready. Doesn't matter.

It's time I do what is best for me. I have waited for my turn far far too long.