God, can I relate. I feel like you just described my last 20 years.
I do feel like I might have been able to hold out hope, IF I saw in her some genuine introspection, ICing, book-reading, SOMETHING. But the simple truth is that this woman (or any NPD??) has NO interest in facing her own [censored].
NONE of us want to; but emotionally healthy people realize that they HAVE to at some point, especially when jarred by the potential loss of something dear to them like their marriage. My wife never did make that adjustment. You know, one of the collateral pieces of the intel that I gathered from the keylogger on the home computer (up until I bought her her own laptop three months ago) was that it was like a glimpse into my wife's soul. I could see what she Googled, and what web sites she went on, and therefore what was important to her.
Botox. Micro-derm abrasion. Tummy tucks. Plastic surgery of all kinds. Every wrinkle-removing and -smoothing lotion and cream known to man. And eventually, when she began her affair, it was "older women younger men" and some other things I won't even repeat here.
What WASN'T there? How to improve your marriage. How to reach out to your spouse. ANYTHING about better understanding HERSELF or any of her issues. NOTHING.
And interestingly, what of the things she used to cry to me about having a keylogger on the computer (agreed to as part of her transparency plan after her affair) was that she "couldn't go on message boards and support groups, the way you do, so that I can talk to people and get help."
OK, sounds healthy enough.
Except that now that she has her own laptop, even though I don't have a keylogger on it (a vow I made her that I have kept, despite her recent wayward behavior), I HAVE peeked at her web browser history.
Botox. Micro-derm abrasion. Tum -- oh, you get the idea.
