When the Teacher Becomes the Student

[Still Waters]

Now I'm starting to see why we're so alike, Puppy.

My wife has been diagnosed with NPD. And guess what? Even though she knows she's a narcissist, it hasn't changed her behavior one bit. If anything, she's gotten worse since her therapist diagnosed her. She even quit IC soon after. Because if there's one thing a narcissist can't stand, it's the suggestion that he or she isn't perfect. Or that they're not entitled to feel the way they do and act the way they act.

My W is the same way when it comes to sex. She wanted to feel sexy, to look sexy, to have me and other men falling all over her. But she rarely wanted to have sex. It was all about her building up her fragile self-esteem by feeling wanted. The fact that she had a man who loved her and would stand by her, no matter what happened, wasn't good enough.

Over time, I realize that she made me feel bad about myself because it always felt like I wasn't living up to her expectations. I wasn't being the knight in shining armor she felt like she deserved. But anytime I called her on something like the lack of sex, or tried to talk about MY needs, she got super defensive and always ended up crying. So eventually I got worn down and stopped talking about my needs and walked around on egg shells around her. I slowly became Mr. Nice Guy, and I didn't realize it had happened until it was too late.

I've realized that someone with NPD rarely changes. It's something so ingrained in a person, that even IC rarely helps. Mainly because a narcissist will reject most of what an IC says. They feel like life is a movie and they're the main character. Everyone else is just an extra, there to make them feel good about themselves.

Which is why I'm on the verge of filing for a D. Do I really want to live my life with a woman who lacks empathy and is so self-absorbed that she can't see that my needs are as valid as hers?