Healing my Heart part 7

[fightingirish]

Hi guys, sorry i've been MIA... Things have gotten really bad, and I've just been trying to deal with them.

Thanks fallgirl.. sounds like my h and yours are alot alike! My h's father was too controling over his wife also, only I stand up to mine.

I won't make this long.

last Thursday he butted heads with my S6. It got bad. He lost his temper. S6 knows how to push his buttons, and doesn't stop. But H doesn't know how to draw the line with playing and being serious. S6 was being really fresh and was getting rough with H. So he got spanked for not listening. Now although I don't have a problem with spanking, I have a problem with doing it when you are in "angry mode".

It did scare me, because I could see how on the edge H was.

I packed up the kids and left. He didn't try to chase me or anything, he just let me go.

It was probably the most angry I have ever been at him including what he did to me.

He tried to call several times. I only picked up once and told him that this will not be tolerated and that it won't happen again on my watch.

I stayed the night at my gf's. The kids were ok, just upset. I called H's best friend and talk to him at length. He is very level headed. I asked him to call up H and just see what the hell is going on with him. H's friend just said that I did the right thing, but you know that H would never hurt the kids, he's never spanked them before,and that he's got to be going through soemthing that we just don't know.

That's probably true, but it doesn't mean that its acceptable.

Next day, we waited until the afternoon and I knew he wasn't home. The kids seemed to be ok, I was having a harder time with it then them. I kept on going through it in my mind. After he got home he was upset and just hugged S6 and said sorry and how much he loved him and said that he felt uncomfortable he would leave and stay somewhere else for awhile. S6 said no.

I have never seen him like that before.

I told him that he's going to have to get help or Im gone. I don't care if I have to live on the street with my boys, but he has to deal with whatever is going on inside his head.

Right now we are down to our last hundred dollars. There is just no work here. We are beginning to get behind in everything. Its just bad all the way around.

Doesn't help that my birthday was Saturday, some birthday.

He did write to me in one of the cards he got me that what is going on has nothing to do with me or the kids and that he was sorry.

I don't get it.

Something is going on in his head. My plan is to have a heart to heart with him, but I really have to wait until we sign a job. There's no point in stressing eachother out until we are feeling better about the money situation. We need so much just to run the business, and we are in bad finincial shape right now.

So that's it guys. Im ok. He's not home right now, won't be until late. It gives me some space. tomorrow he will be doing a small job and Friday also. So it will be quiet around here.

Thanks for listening and not judging... I have to change my sig line, can't beleive im 37 !!