My situation #9

[steady]

gucci I understand that's your position. But you aren't living my life and seeing EVERYTHING that I'm seeing. You only see what I post here at the boards.

Seeing the stub from the concert, the bill from the hotel, her calling me and telling me her room number - the hotel is 10 min away and I could have easily jumped in my car and drove over there - my W has a habit of telling everything in detail so she's a hell of an actress when she told me everything she did at the hotel - she was telling me details that were so small that she could have easily left them out when she told me about her day on Sat. I didn't ask a single question so she didn't need to even tell me anything. Sleeping in and missing her L appointment, etc..

Last year she did the same thing for her birthday and went to the same hotel.

And it doesn't change anything. We are working on a separation agreement, she's said she wants a divorce, I'll be moving out once the agreement is settled and that's where we are heading. From my POV, the only thing it changes is me being able to throw it in her face - but what would that accomplish? If she were having an A what am I going to do - tell her we need to seperate, tell her I want a D if she doesn't stop...lol. Those things are already in the works.

I think when a S hides an affair and think you don't know about it there is no respect issue (except for the fact they already don't respect you as evidenced by an A), it's when you know your S is having an affair and allow it - that's enabling, and that's where they lose their respect for you.

I understand your POV, however, just remember you are only seeing a fraction of my life by what I post. Unless you've walked one step in my shoes I don't think you're in a position to call me naive.

But I do appreciate you stopping by my thread.

[steady]

Journaling: (I do this alot to keep track of events)

My W just called me at work and thanked me for cleaning her car. She said she got in this morning and was looking around and saw how clean the car really was. She said it felt really nice - like it was a brand new car.

Then she laughed and said, "I was wondering if you had an ulterior motive. The steering wheel is slippery." I told her I didn't use armor-all on the steering wheel. Then I said, "I shucks, it didn't work, and with the rain today..." We laughed.

She thanked me a few times for cleaning it. It's something I wanted to do yesterday so I did it. I figured there's no reason to change from what I have been doing all these months - things are as they are, but that doesn't mean I have to be different than what I've worked so hard to change into.

She just called me again to tell me what she found out while doing research on a medical problem our S may have. We talked for about 10 minutes about it - she setup an appointment for an ultrasound for him on Wed.

[steady]

Journalilng:

After work I picked up my S. We went home and my W pulled up with my D a few minutes after we got home. The kids played for a bit while my W and I did a few things around the house. We ate dinner then my W gave the kids a bath while I cleaned up in the kitchen.

We are getting along fine right now and we laugh and joke around. We talked about a few things non kid related - about her work and stuff that was going on.

After their baths we put the kids to bed. Then I had an IC appointment at 8:45. My W asked me if I had IC and I told her yes. She asked me, "Didn't you go last Sat?" I said yes but don't you remember me telling you she had a scheduling conflict and I only saw her for 10 minutes so we rescheduled for today? Then she said she remembered.

Before I left I was downstairs and my W asked, "Our the shows new tonight? Oh it doesn't matter because you won't be home." I asked her if she wanted to watch them. She said she was tired and she was going to go to bed.

I left and went to my C session. On my way home around 10:30pm my W called me and asked if I was on my way home. I told her yes. She said she didn't feel comfortable going to sleep and leaving the kids alone in the bedrooms - she is on the other side of the house from the kids. I told her I was on my way - I also said she could have just crashed in my bed and I would wake her up when I got home. She said she would do that but didn't need to because I was coming home. I told her in the future she should just do that - and she said she would.

When I got home she was asleep so I just hung out and watched some TV in my room.

[steady]

Journaling:

My W asked me on Mon if it was ok for her to go out Tues night with her girlfriends from work. It's the same crew that went to the concert on Fri. It was one of the other girls' birthday so they wanted to go out to dinner after work. I told her it wouldn't be a problem at all.

So my W called me around 3:30 yesterday and asked me to pick the kids up in the parking lot of the restaurant/bar. She picked them both up at scool. I met her there and took the kids to Best Buy and I bought myself a laptop. Then the three of us ate dinner at Uno's. We didn't get home till around 7pm so I got the kids ready for bed. I sang to my D and then watched a little TV with my son - he's funny because he likes watching the Discovery Channel and the Cooking channel. So we watched the show about crab fishing in the Northwest.

After that I put him to bed. My W got home around 8:30. She told me the restaurant was really quiet and they had a good time. I told her I was glad she enjoyed herself. She said she couldn't reschedule her lawyer until April 20th but he told her if we could get some details on a sep agreement together then he can look at it. I told my W my lawyer is going to put an offer together and send it to her L.

She asked me what was going to be in it and I told her the L is putting it together. Then she said, "Well they usually ask you what you want." I said he does this stuff all the time - I talked to him for a little bit and he told me he'd put something together. Then she asked if I got a copy of it if I could share it with her in case her lawyer doesn't call her. I told her I would. We chatted a bit about my work day and a bit about her day. She told me one of her girlfriends commented that I was very handsome. I told her that my SIL's girlfriend said the same thing last week when I went to the movies with my brother.

This morning I got up and did the normal morning routine. Made lunch for the kids, emptied the dishwasher, made the coffee, etc..

[Distressed67]

Ken,

Been reading along. Sounds like you are doing really well.

Take care,

Tim

[steady]

It has gotten easier over time Tim. Doesn't mean I like it, just means I have to accept what reality is - whether I like it or not. Resisting it doesn't work.

[ernest88]

a drive by...just checking in..I've been really busy..dad has brain cancer and we are trying to get him home..I've not left you..Still reading along..

[steady]

Thanks Mike. Sorry to hear about your dad. That's always rough stuff. I lost both my parents to cancer 6 moths apart back in '98. If you need anything, or just someone to talk to just give me a call.

[steady]

Just stopping in. Letting you all know I'm doing just fine. I've been journaling to a file on my laptop. Don't really need to be posting it all here - it's mostly capturing daily information that might come in useful for my sitch.

Hope you're all doing well and when I get a chance I'll stop over at your threads.

I'm ok. I'm leaving life alone - it doesn't need my help to unfold. Only controlling what I can - myself. Been keeping my nose out of all the other stuff. So that's a good thing. Catch myself wandering in the mind sometimes but then realize it's a total waste of energy.

Life is what it is. Resisting any part of it only causes me more suffering - and I've had enough of that.

[whiskey.tango]

Steady,

Sounds like you're doing well. Glad you stopped by to update.

WT