I fully expect that there is an OM2 somewhere in the picture. Women, especially, almost never try to end a marriage unless they have "a soft place to fall," and my wife has shown a particular pattern of not wanting to ever be alone and without the validation she craves. I couldn't guess the timeline of it, nor do I care to, because it really doesn't matter anymore. The fact is that I have well over 20 years of affair-free, she's-free-to-receive-my-love-anytime years under my belt with her, and it still didn't work. So yes, the ending of the marriage is mutual at this point. I could have (should have?) filed years ago, based on lack of affection, and I did (should have let it go thru?) file two years ago based on adultery.
But at this point, it's really not even important anymore which came first, the chicken or the egg. I will continue to call "bullshit" when I need to with her, as I always have, as it's good for my own self-esteem and it will also help her (hopefully) face her own issues and demons. If she says "there is no one else," I will say "I wish I could believe that, but I don't trust you," or "I'm not stupid." If she says she did the best she could then I'll simply say it wasn't enough for ME, anyway, and that only she can answer in her own heart whether or not she gave her best effort.
The bottom line is, this is a woman with an unhealthy need to receive something I'm not prepared to give, and I'm a man with a healthy need to receive much, MUCH more than she's shown a historical ABILITY to give.
