It's all ablazin'....

[blindsided1]

Good morning. Feeling a little blue since it's one day closer to K spending the night with H. Oh, yah...he took her swimming on Sunday...he knows she has an ear infection. Worried for her...
That's normal, right?

[blindsided1]

Text convo with H yesterday regarding daycare. He has not paid. It was due on Friday. I asked him when he was paying it and he said he'd have to check his finances and let me know. I told him that he can't NOT pay, he would have to call the school and work something out. I haven't got the money to cover him and I can't lose this daycare. He is complaining that their bills are piling up....boo hoo....cry me a river. Mine have been piling up since he stopped paying for his share of them. Maybe he can sell one of those toys he bought after he left me...um, the dirtbikes, the quads, the street bike....how about selling one of those? I have a feeling that now that the new baby is here, OW isn't so willing to help him out with paying K's daycare....

[Startingover2]

Just checking in with you. Don't buy into the im broke stuff. He made his choices to be where he is. Other than K's obligations his finances are not your problem anymore. I shut my exh down when he starts boo hooing.

[blindsided1]

Tonight will be the first night without my daughter. I am crying like a little baby.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

I'm so sorry. and sorry I've been gone so long. you can always get me on the alt.

now, some of the issues you are dealing with are more sensitive because of your hurt. If you guys were in a good R, then things would be diff.

On the disciplining, the OW is going to have to have some authority. Anyone, whether it be the daycare provider at your daycare, or your dad is an authority and they do have some right to discipline. Now I do agree, that she should have no part of any physical discipline. And the only reason why I would say that he should respect your wishes for discipline is because you have greater custody. When it comes to 50/50, in a business sense, both parents have the right to discipline how they see fit. The perfect world would be that both parents agree to some way, and stick to it.

Listen. You've got to be really careful here. You do not want his childish ego to do things just for spite or control. If he sees you telling him how to do everything, he is not going to listen just because. You need to start asking him questions first, not telling him what you want. You want the end result to be the best for K, and therefore your going to still have to bite your tongue sometimes. I know it's not fair, but you can't control this man, and so you've got to work strategically.

I'm assuming when you say physical, you mean spanking. I, myself, am not an advocate of spanking, but I am not necessarily against it. Now, when a child is young, say 1, and does not speak yet, or may not really comprehend what danger is..okay, that's like to age who knows, but at the young young ages, I believe that spanking sometimes needs to be used.

Let's say the baby was going to lick a battery, or lick an outlet, or run into the street, or things like that. When it has to do with danger, IMHO, spanking should be used, because they need to be scared, and just telling a child no will not send as quick and great a message to the child because the next time might be fatal. Anything else, I do not believe spanking need be used.

Also, when you asked these questions, he could also be thinking in the future. Not necessarily while she is 9 months old.

You need to ask him what he thinks is appropriate and what his plans are, and that you are open to listen. Tell him you want her discipline to be consistent so she does not get confused going back and forth. Then, take what he says and tell him you will be thinking over it, and really think over it (AWAY from him) and see what you really hate and what really isn't so bad.

does this make sense? I would love it if you could just rip into him, but it will do absolutely nothing and may make his R with his D a bitter one and that ruins everything.

I still can't believe they granted him that, but that is what the courts do. If only they could really SEE how he has been.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

oh, and when I say OW has some right, I mean in cases where he is gone or something. somethings she will be able to wait for H, but somethings she really shouldn't. Like children fighting over a toy and not stopping...then a good way is a time out for both children. but, most of the time, she really shouldn't...IF he is there most of the time.

[blindsided1]

Last night H came over and I did exactly what you just said not to do, ST. I tried to be very diplomatic and the first time I said what I wanted he disagreed and continued to disagree with everything after that, even when it made no sense. He refuses to take her crib out of OW's boys' room, he refuses to turn the car seat around rear facing, he says that what happens in his home is his business, he'll raise her how he sees fit. Which means, he'll mess her up if he raises her to be anything like him. It was hard and I am upset, but my Mom said that I need to flatter and let him believe he is in control because that is what this is about...CONTROL.

[blindsided1]

H also started saying that he knows I hate him for walking out on me. I told him that I did, that I hated him for not being there during my pregnancy or afterwards or now. But, I told him that I'm forgiving him and getting past it and just want a R with him for our daughter's sake. He says that he got the short end of the stick. What a joke...um who lost their H, their M, their family and got stuck with the bills.....um, ME, that's who.

[Startingover2]

BS...I have been thinking of you all day.

I am hoping that your H having K will be too much for your H and he will not want to do overnights much. Im sorry, but I still think K is way too young for overnights. Can you find a different judge? Look online for the guidelines for a baby/toddler and you will see overnights are not good until at least 18 months to 2 years and that is only if child is adjusted. Then, its only just one night not a weekend. I have NEVER heard a baby going so young. I am sorry for bringing this up, but I would fight it.

[blindsided1]

Sorry I had family in this weekend and no access to the computer room. So, Friday the school calls me at 2pm and my H has not picked up my D at noon like he was supposed to. So, I text him and ask if he is still going to be picking her up, he says he's on his way. Friday was awful. I cried all day, all through dinner. I texted H before D's bedtime and asked him to please call me like he said he would so I could say goodnight to her. He ignored me. I texted again and asked...he ignored me. So, I called MIL and asked her to call him...then he calls me..."well, say goodnight to her!" I asked him to please not ignore me, just text me back and say your busy or you'll call in a minute or whatever. He starts yelling at me about how he doesn't have to jump when I text him and drop everything, blah, blah, blah...So, I just said "Bye, H, see you tomorrow at 6" and hung up.

I slept okay thanks to a couple glasses of wine and an excedrine pm. Woke up, missed her terribly. But, I just kept busy. He brought her home on time and I gave him the financials. He didn't want to discuss them. So, I said "fine, look them over and if you have questions, call me." Then he starts getting mad because he knows he owes me more money than he thought. And, he tells me that the best thing he ever did was walk out on me. I wanted to cry. But, instead I said "Yes, in some ways, it was the best thing for me, too."

Gonna get shut out of the internet. I'll post later.