PM Thread #5 - Hope new plan works

[PositivelyMommy]

Yoyo, yes, I am usually a woman of action so taking a backseat on things for the last year has been extremely hard for me. I like to plan and do things and get things done, check things off the list type of woman. So now I that I made him face himself and his fears and desires, I hope we can come to some sort of resolution. I am tired of hearing the lies and half-truths about his whereabouts and also him witholding information. It is extremely disrespectful to any spouse, let alone a wife of 15 years. Just tired of all the stress of it all. Want to rest and be with my family.

StillLovesHim, I am sorry you are on a rollercoaster from he*l. Your H is flipflopping like crazy and your hopes are up and down all the time. You must have the patience of a saint. I wish you the best of luck.

Kev, it is always nice to hear from you and I love your opinions, maybe because I am so naive about men (H was my first love). But they give me a window into the male psyche and maybe I feel I am spying on my H's mind when I read your advice.

You are absolutely right in your analysis. I know he is mad, mad at me, mad at himself and he feels he's been cornered. He felt this way when I first found out about A and I asked him who he wants to be with and he said OW because he loves her. Then he started to see a counsellor who has been helping him look at himself but also accept himself. But maybe backfired a bit as he found that he can have everything and not pay a price. He can do soulsearching, have a family and a mistress all at the same time because he has accepted who he was and he was OK.

So now that he has found out who he is, I want him to address the question again, Her or Family. His choice. Tough but simple. Can't have it all. He forgot about that for awhile and thought he could have it all. But nope, I am not OK with it and never will be. I can't heal if he is constantly disrespecting me. I can't heal if on Fridays I stress about seeing him again, he hanging out at the house for 5-6 hours every Saturday and then 7-8 hours on Sundays. I love that he choose to spend time with the kids and me but I can't detach if he is always here. I don't have another place to go, he does. I can't heal. So I ask myself, why doesn't he want the kids to himself. Is he using me for babysitting purposes? Or is he just used to having me around? I don't know. I can't keep asking myself questions anymore. Too tired. I can remove myself from his moods but I can't remove the hope from my mind. So that's how I got to this point.

You are right, Kev. I have been doing what is not working for so long. I needed to change it up it bit. I love my comfort zone but I need to 'man up' and take some challenges.

Thanks for your good wishes, everyone!