Here's what I've been pondering. I don't need to be in a relationship right now as I have nothing to give I've been letting life control me rather than me controling life. For now, I need a network of friends, not someone who wants me to be at the beckon call. I want a friend! Which is something that was lacking with my ex-fiancee and what I had with my ex-husband. My ex-fiance wasn't my friend. He did what he thought was right so I'm not being insensitive to that, but it wasn't what I needed. He continued to tell me his needs weren't being met but you know what, neither were mine so our relationship suffered. It's okay. I know it's the best thing for both of us. I'm sad, yes, I'm scared, yes, I'm confused, yes. But even that's okay. Right now, I need to get to a place where I'm comfortable with me before I can be comfortable with someone else. Which frankly, I don't know how to do and that's okay too. It's a challenge and I take it on. My ex-fiance is full of venom right now, he despises me, even though he tells me that he loves me. Not love in my book, if he loved me, he would let me talk about my feelings which he won't because he tells me that "I need to get over it" In a sense he's right, but I needed a shoulder and he wasn't offering it. He is a negative person and I think what would be best for me is to surround my self with positive. And that my friends, is my new goal.
