A new thread, a new outlook.....

[Can it work]

Another 12 hour shift just beginning!! Only one more to go after this though. I just thought I'd come on here this morning and do a little journaling.

I was sitting at work yesterday and started getting a terrible longing for my W. It just seemed to come out of nowhere but decided that I really needed a fix. Luckily I've got a fantastic excuse to see her in Wee Man. She was at my house for a few hours yesterday working on the computer and looking after the dog while I was here so we were sending a few text messages back and fore. Anyway, since I wasn't getting Wee Man last night and tonight like I normally do, I asked her if it would be ok for me to come past her house and see him before he went to bed. She said that would be fine.

When I left work I went straight to my W's house. She was just running his bath and asked if I would like to bathe him. I said that I'd love to. So, me and Wee Man played for a bit with water flying all over the place and me getting soaked. My W popped her head in every now and again to smile and shake her head at the mess we were making (so much less stressful when it's someone elses house!!). After bath time, I took Wee Man downstairs to get him ready for bed. Me and my W sat and talked for a while when getting him ready. Nothing serious, just small talk and gossip. We did have a few laughs though. It really felt natural talking to her like that and picked me right up. When Wee Man then went down to bed we talked for a bit longer before I decided that it was time I left. I didn't want to overstay my welcome.

So, now I'm sitting here wanting her back even more. I connect with her more than I have anyone else and it just makes it hurt so much more that she's off limits to me emotionally right now. I am trying to remain patient and let things progress naturally but it seems so hard sometimes. I think I need to see another positive goal reached before I can once again start believing this is progressing in the right direction. I'm not entirely sure how big a goal to make though. Some of my earlier ones have already been reached such as making her laugh again. I need something new. I did think about having a goal that we all go out and do something as a family. Doesn't have to be anything big but just something to bring us together a bit. Is that too big a goal for the moment? Is there anything smaller I should be aiming for? One thing about these 12 hour shifts; they certainly give you time to think!

Kev