A new thread, a new outlook.....

[PositivelyMommy]

Of course you want your W back. What you are doing now is learning to be a better man for yourself and also for all your relationships, for Weeman, for your family and friends and for your W. It's how I like to think of it. I don't go to church regularly but I believe in God and a higher purpose. I believe that He is giving us a chance to examine ourselves and to be a better person, otherwise, we would get complacent. I really believe that this experience will make you a better person, no matter what the outcome. How do we learn forgiveness and patience if there is nothing to forgive, if our lives were smooth sailing? How do we look at our weaknesses and our temptations if we were not put to the test to face our true self? Those are the questions I wrestle with everyday and I ask myself who is my H? What is his true self? Did I know him at all? Or is he just behaving abnormally now? I can't be sure anymore, everything seems to have jumbled together. So the only thing I can do is to examine myself and be true to myself. What kind of woman am I? I am not one for revenge or hateful thoughts. They sit very uncomfortably with me but nor am I one to stand and watch as someone else steals my H's heart away. So what do I do? I have worked to better myself. If he cannot see the 'me' who is so good, so loving, so devoted then he is a fool. So do I keep loving a fool? If I do then I am a fool. Am I OK with that? I don't see myself as a fool so no I don't feel comfortable with that and that is why I am thinking of taking a new direction. You are not there yet. Your W doesn't have a OP, she has not introduced a new OP to her family. Her family has not accepted the OP. I am in a different stage. I hope you can truncate your W's confusion or have the patience to wait it out.

[MsMelancoly]

Hey Kev, Sounds like things are progressing good for you ..... keep that going!!!

PM - Always like reading your advise & comments. Very helpful!

[PositivelyMommy]

Thanks for the recognition MsMelancoly. I really appreciate your support.

How ya doing with Weeman, Kev?

[Can it work]

Good Morning

I had a really good weekend with Wee Man and we ended up having a lot of fun together. I then toook him back to my W on Sunday evening before going out with some friends.

Sunday night was a bit of a mess to be honest. I'm sure it was good fun at the time but I suffered for it yesterday! I'm getting too old to have a big night out like that. Think it's time to calm down again and use my money and energy elsewhere.

Me and some friends did have a barbecue at my house yesterday though. Even though I was feeling awful. I'm sure that will get back to my W. Not sure if it'll bother her or not but that's not why I did it. I'm thinking it might make her a bit put out that she wasn't invited. Who knows though? I'm not going to spend time worrying about it.

PM thank you for your advice. I hope I can keep the patience too. Sometimes that seems quite easy. Other times, not so much. I'm dreading the day when my W gets herself another man. It may never happen but I have to be ready for it if it does. I suppose I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Kev

I have to do 12 hour days today, Wednesday and Thursday to cover for someone else. It makes for a long day. Because of that, I'm not going to get Wee Man over to stay until Friday. Not the best situation but it can't be helped.

[PositivelyMommy]

Hi Kev, glad you had a nice Easter weekend.

I need your POV, Kev. I know you are working really hard hours but if you have a few minutes, can you read my new thread PM#5? I need a male perspective.

[Can it work]

Another 12 hour shift just beginning!! Only one more to go after this though. I just thought I'd come on here this morning and do a little journaling.

I was sitting at work yesterday and started getting a terrible longing for my W. It just seemed to come out of nowhere but decided that I really needed a fix. Luckily I've got a fantastic excuse to see her in Wee Man. She was at my house for a few hours yesterday working on the computer and looking after the dog while I was here so we were sending a few text messages back and fore. Anyway, since I wasn't getting Wee Man last night and tonight like I normally do, I asked her if it would be ok for me to come past her house and see him before he went to bed. She said that would be fine.

When I left work I went straight to my W's house. She was just running his bath and asked if I would like to bathe him. I said that I'd love to. So, me and Wee Man played for a bit with water flying all over the place and me getting soaked. My W popped her head in every now and again to smile and shake her head at the mess we were making (so much less stressful when it's someone elses house!!). After bath time, I took Wee Man downstairs to get him ready for bed. Me and my W sat and talked for a while when getting him ready. Nothing serious, just small talk and gossip. We did have a few laughs though. It really felt natural talking to her like that and picked me right up. When Wee Man then went down to bed we talked for a bit longer before I decided that it was time I left. I didn't want to overstay my welcome.

So, now I'm sitting here wanting her back even more. I connect with her more than I have anyone else and it just makes it hurt so much more that she's off limits to me emotionally right now. I am trying to remain patient and let things progress naturally but it seems so hard sometimes. I think I need to see another positive goal reached before I can once again start believing this is progressing in the right direction. I'm not entirely sure how big a goal to make though. Some of my earlier ones have already been reached such as making her laugh again. I need something new. I did think about having a goal that we all go out and do something as a family. Doesn't have to be anything big but just something to bring us together a bit. Is that too big a goal for the moment? Is there anything smaller I should be aiming for? One thing about these 12 hour shifts; they certainly give you time to think!

Kev

[PositivelyMommy]

Hi Kev,

Sounds like you had a wonderful evening with the family. I know how you feel. Everything seems ... 'normal'. But then you are left alone and you think 'Why does it have to be this way?' Normal was great, being without our spouses s*ck.

It has been over 52 weekends of this and it's getting old for me. Along with the lies and half-truths and the withholding information. But it sounds like you and W is getting along.

I am so glad you are reaching your goals. Mine still hasn't been reached, that's why I was feeling a bit desperate.

Why don't you test the waters and invite your W out on a meal (thinking lunch), like you mentioned? See if she will want to join. Nothing serious, just a quick bite to eat with Weeman, maybe? Start off an hour at a time or something. If not, then back down and stay low for a few weeks. Then maybe try it again at a much later date. What do you think?

[Can it work]

Hey PM

Thanks once again for your kind response. Things are going ok over here I suppose. I know not to get my hopes up too much though. Just because I'm getting on with my W doesn't necessarily mean she's regaining any feelings for me. I just have to be patient and keep working away at it slowly. In the mean time I'm trying to enjoy my life as much as I possibly can.

I was thinking about the next step with my W and how to possibly do something with us all as a family. I have Wee Man this weekend and I normally put him to my W's on Sunday evening after dinner. What I was thinking about doing this Sunday was telling her that I felt like some take-away food and asking her if she wanted to join me. I know she's got nights out planned for both tomorrow and Saturday so she probably won't be feeling much like cooking. With this idea there would be no pressure on her to make it feel like we were actually venturing out together but on the other hand it would also give us a chance to chat a bit more. Still, she could always say no. I'll just have to wait and see.....

It's my last 12 hour shift today!!! Thank god for that. I don't know if I'll ever get used to getting up at 5.30 AM every morning. Tomorrow it'll be back to my normal hours and it'll feel like I'm getting a lie in. Can't wait.

My W's cousin phoned me last night to ask if he could go with me to the gym tonight. I told him that of course he could. It'll be nice to have company there. If I can manage to get him to go regularly, it'll be good motivation to keep us at each other to make sure we keep going. With one thing or another I haven't managed to get as often as I'd like lately. Still, I've just ordered a new mountain bike so I'm looking forward to that coming home so I can get out some more. Every little helps!

Kev

[PositivelyMommy]

Good job Kev, you really are GAL'ing. How's the skin medication by the way, it sounds like you are doing better emotionally so have you stopped taking them or maybe your bod is used to them?

I like the sound of your plan for Sunday night. I hope she agrees.

With your new PMA, you are attracting friends and family like crazy. Good for you! You are the honey.

[MsMelancoly]

Yep, I'll chime in ... that is so great how you are getting on w/everyone. Positive attracts positive!!! I like your Sunday plan too. Low pressure, if she says no, then maybe another time. No worries - right?