Thanks for allowing me to vent a bit. I do think this is part of the reason why we're here.
I had lunch w/D again today and I'll be going back to help in the classroom on Thursday, then having lunch w/her again. She's excited about it.
I'm going to the gym around 3:30, then I'll come home and do some more "stuff" before I go bowling tonight. I'm a terrible bowler, but it will be good to get out and have some fun.
Thanks for the idea to look for activities that are cheaper to do w/my D. I'll look into that magazine.
I am doing what I can to keep active and exercise regularly and I did make it go tonight w/a 30 min. trek on the elliptical.
So, I'm two-for-two in my current goal! Tomorrow will be a test to keep the streak alive as I'm working at my D's school tomorrow, so I'll either need to go before or right after.
On the other front, I enjoyed going out last night, but there isn't a long-term connection w/this one. No big deal, though as I'm learning how to date again and to stay back and let things happen.
There are plenty of ladies out there looking for a good man, so I know now not to be too discouraged if something doesn't fall my way right away w/someone.
I'll be a frog to some and a prince to others. It is a matter of trial and error at this point.
Nothing of word from XW. No news is always good news.
RTL PS - It is amazing how good I feel when I work out. I hate the fact that I skip some days b/c my attitude is so much better when I exercise on a regular basis.
Hi RTL, I know what you mean about the work outs...when I don't get in a run or some time at the gym I find it affects my mood terribly - sometimes I think it's just as simple as having a way to purge the negative chemicals that swim through us.
Like you I've been thinking about more things to do with the kids. Hikes are fine with my older boy, but S2 isn't so into the long hauls...and doesn't like to be carried that far anyway. At least that playground is just a few blocks away...that's always a plus.
Seems you have a very healthy attitude about meeting someone new - I'm glad for that.
What music have you been listening to lately? Not asking for any reason in particular, just to see if you're still listening to the Smiths...I've been on this kick of reclaiming songs from the history shared with my STBX...not as painful as I expected it to be - not even that sad, actually...in some songs I'm hearing words and rhythms I had never heard before...
Well, I broke the streak yesterday b/c I had D and stayed out pretty late the night before, so I wasn't able to fire up and get there in the morning.
However, I did help out w/D's class and then had lunch w/her yesterday and she thanked me for coming in to help them. I had her in my group and it was really neat. I'm going to look to do that more often when I'm off and she's in school.
Today, I took her to breakfast before school b/c I'm still off until Monday and the couple in the booth next to us bought our breakfast b/c (in their words) they "liked what they saw was going on" w/D and me. It was really nice and I guess they were happy to see a father combing the hair of his little girl and doting on her at breakfast. It was a nice compliment and gesture from them. I was stunned and surprised.
I dropped off D and then took her lunch for the final time this week (I also locked my keys in the car, but AAA came quickly). I then got home and noticed an assignment she needed to turn in today had fallen out of her backpack, so I delivered it for her. Three trips to D's school today for me already.
So, tonight I'm going to get to the gym and then hang out, I think. I went out until 2 am on Wednesday night and I'm still wrecked from it, so I'll get my sleep back tomorrow and then look to finish up my errands before heading back to work on Monday.
I'm enjoying the time off, so I'm not too pumped about going in again, but at least I'll be able to get some more money from tutoring next week (in cash too, which is also a bonus!).
As for the music, I listened to a lot of Smiths in my pre-XW days, so I've rediscovered them as well. I like to sing along w/them so I can't let them get me too depressed (don't worry, Ali). I'm also listening to some of my old favorites and they do have me feeling alive and "more youthful" again. Music is a wonderful tonic for whatever ails you.
XW told me she was on the phone w/the police, but everything was ok w/her and D. She called back and filled me in and it turned out she had called the police b/c a little girl in D's Kindergarten class was left alone while her mother went to the store.
This has apparently happened several times before as the mother leaves her alone in the apartment and goes on dates on the weekends. From what I gathered, this mother is a user as well as an alcoholic.
So, tonight, the little 5-year-old was barefoot out in the complex and knocking on everyone's doors asking for money. XW was freaked out (she's a drama queen anyway) and she called the police. They showed up right away but XW was then scared about the woman going off on her for calling the police on her.
I let XW talk and talk and told her she did the right thing to call. I also said that if things got "hairy" I could be there in 15 minutes b/c I know they live by the school somewhere and it takes me 15 minutes to get to the school from here.
XW was surprised I said that and I told her "of course I'd be there to protect my daughter." XW then asked if things got rough if they could come here and I told her I would never turn my daughter away when she needed me.
Funny how important I've become again now that BF #2 is out of the picture.
Anyway, XW then sends a text thanking me for supporting her and for making D a "priority" this week. I told her I only wish I had more days off to spend w/D like I did this week.
So, it was weird to say the least and I'm wondering what shoe will drop next.
Don't worry as I'm no longer an idiot and I realize this will only last as long as XW is single, but I had to let her know that if D was in danger, I WANTED TO KNOW about it 1st!
After that, I watched the Seattle Mariners game on the internet (MLB TV is awesome - and cheaper than buying the games from the cable company) and now I'm heading to bed.
I didn't go to the gym today b/c I really didn't want to do much of anything. So, I'll hit it tomorrow and get 4 workouts in this week. Better than 3 and much better than none at all, right?
So, I talked w/D again, and XW got on the phone a few times during the call.
She first asked if I was "freaked out" about them going to Disneyland b/c of the money, and I told her no. She then talked about a few things and I listened before she said "I specifically told mom that dad was not invited."
I replied w/"well, your dad isn't much of a walker anyway." It was XW's response that kind of threw me a bit. She said "He's not much of anything." Then she paused and gave the phone back to D.
Is XW coming to grips w/her past and her father? I'm not sure, but I'll be very disappointed if she goes through this "self-discovery" now when I tried to get her through it when we were still married. Her issues w/her dad and her past are what caused her to look to blame me for her problems.
I will be very disappointed if she's discovering them after ruining our family.
Anyway, that was the "interesting" part of my evening. Otherwise, I did go to the gym for an hour of lifting and cardio and am up to 3 days this week. Tomorrow makes 4 and a very productive week of exercising.
Hi Rob, just checking on you and while I was finishing reading your last post I realised I felt relief because your XW didnt pull another one of her nusty tricks on you... It was a surprise.
Hi Rob, That is interesting...it may be a small sign that she's looking inward - or it may be a small sign that of something that's she's known all along...but was unwilling to say aloud.
I understand the frustration that you're describing, though - if she is starting to be honest with herself, why now, why when she's already done the damage to your family? And I guess the sad fact of it is that she might be ready now, and she was not before...and there was nothing you or anyone could have done to help her be ready sooner...provided that she is partially open to looking at herself now.
My STBX did some of that too - she would even get on the phone with her sister and explicitly describe the negative traits of her father (the same exact stuff she would then project on to me) - but it didn't seem to mean that she was genuinely ready to look into herself enough to accept responsibility for what she was doing/had done.
I know your X, like my STBX are difficult people - but they are also in a tremendous amount of pain - the challenge for me was allowing myself to let go of her, and not try to heal her, fix her, rescue her in any way - since it was that very impulse that contributed to where we ended up in the first place...It was a very hard lesson for me to learn - that I could love someone that was harmful toward me - and that she could continue to be harmful so long as she would not look into herself...that said, her crisis, her pain, did lead to a lot of growth for me - as I think your situation did for you. Despite all the pain and sorrow - we've been given the rarest of opportunities to examen our lives - and to find ways to improve ourselves as men and, perhaps most importantly, as fathers.
It would be very disappointing...but it's the only way it could have been/be for her...
