I think if you can, get her to stop talking to her family about this. In the most diplomatic way, IF you can. It's important for all of them, and your family too, to stay out of it. If she won't stop talking to them about all the dirty details, then tell her "Your family loves you. They want you to NEVER hurt or be in pain. So if they see me as a source of pain for you, they are going to advise you to cut me out, like cancer. But if you do that, it's you and me and our little girl who pay the price for your family convincing you to do something they don't have to live with."
My H was talking to his mother a LOT. She sent me an email that said she and my FIL love me, H and I tried, it didnt' work out, it's time to move on. When I got that email, I knew officially how little my MIL knew about the situation with H, like how much time we are together and dont' have to be, his doing. That we are still ML, etc. She has recently become enlightened. This after the email and she followed it up with a phone call to me. My H, her S had no idea she was going to email me or call me. She and I talked. (I did respond to the email with "Thank you for caring so much about me" and I was sincere.) I didn't let her in on much but asked her a few questions. H was sitting right next to me when she called. I was very respectful to her. I have no reason not to be, she's been pretty good to me adn I believe always will be. But some of the things I asked her made her question my H. And that's when he had to come clean to her. She didn't talk to him for almost 2 weeks. And he was man enough to not get mad at me or her. This was his doing for not telling his parents everything, for trying to make it look like I was nutz to justify his wanting to leave. Now his mother understand, I'm not playing games. Based on his actions I've held on to hope. She gets it now. And she's butt out completely and only asks about her grandson and how he is doing.
Well, this weekend was a little rough. Easter was bad, I called a lot, talked to the kids a lot and to my W. We always made a big deal out of every holiday, big dinners etc. Yesterday was the first time in 10 years that i spent a holiday alone, even if it was just easter. Talking to the kids on the phone was hard, i wanted to see them, i wanted to see my W too. I think i backslid though.
Still hanging in there though. Have a great day folks
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Im trying to figure out how to get that into a conversation, i know it and i believe it. I ask myself everyday if i should just let go, but my instincts tell me to hold on, and see this through.
There was a point where i would have walked away and never looked back, but i married this woman for a good reason. Things got really strained due to us neglecting each other.
I love her and im not concerned what others thing and say about me, i dont like how it impacts her though.
Im having a lot more fun in life right now, i do get hit on when i go out with the few friends i have, its more fun to tell them im not interested. Even if my wife and I dont make it, i wont be on the prowl for a long time.
My own family thinks im crazy for wanting to save my marriage, why are people so eager to divorce?
I had never been married before and when my wife and I decided this was going to be the one time that we did it, no outs no excuses. I get frustrated when she has this complete change of heart about it.
Anyway, thanks again for the great advice, im still fighting the good fight thanks to you guys. Im not carrying the full weight of the D on my shoulders any longer.
Last edited by mlb1976; 04/14/0904:19 PM.
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
It is really easy for people outside the R to make comments and give advice about what you should or should not do. I get the same thing from my parents, too ("Kick her to the curb", "You have more patience than I would have", "You know she is just using you for your money", etc.)
The truth is your M is worth exactly what YOU think it is worth. If you want to stick it out and fight for it, then that is a personal choice that you have to make. Ultimately, we are all working alone to keep our M and our families together because our WASs surely aren't!
It takes patience, courage, and determination to hold on. In the meantime, do those things that you need to do for yourself. Don't listen to the naysayers or the soap-box crowd: they aren't in your shoes.
God bless
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
I second PortlandDad's comment! This is YOUR marriage, and don't let anyone talk you out of its value. No one else is in your shoes, feels what you're feeling, or thinks what you think. Stay determined and don't let anyone talk you out of your commitment.
the contrary, (ironic isnt it) for the negatives they can throw at me i can come back with 2 positives. Truth* I betrayed trust, which is very abnormal for me. Ill take my licks, and be happy for her either way. My goals and dreams are forming up again for me with or without her, thanks in great part to you guys, the DB book, and my self determination.
In a couple weeks ill be much closer to home, i'll have my own place which im looking forward to, my kids and my freedom. What else could a guy ask for.
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
In a couple weeks ill be much closer to home, i'll have my own place which im looking forward to, my kids and my freedom. What else could a guy ask for.
I really like your attitude! This is right mindset for you to take. If the W comes back, then that's awesome, but if not, you have got it together.
Chin up and keep that PMA going!
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
So i decided to go out for awhile tonight. I cant believe im saying this but i was disgusted. I went to this karaoke place, sitting by myself, minding my own business, and these women started buying me drinks and hitting on me. I dont mean A woman, i mean several. I got so annoyed that i left. Man i just wanted some quiet time to myself to sing a little and shoot a little pool. I didnt expect to feel so strongly about it, but i did. oh well , safe and sound at home.
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
