Hey K, good for you for getting tested, that is important. Do what you feel is right regarding interactions with h. Just remember that he has his feet in both worlds and so has no real reason to move toward you as long as he does.
Going dim or dark would be difficult for you as h is still at home most of the time. But did you notice when you didnt tell him you werent coming home for lunch, that he reached out?
Just go on with your life, be friendly but light. Let him see that you are moving forward. You are doing great!
Thanks BG. I did notice he called me and didn't know what to make of me not showing up 'as scheduled' for lunch! I don't know why but I'm just sad tonight. Noticed my H had his old therapist's number up on his rolodex in office-not sure what to make of that since he saw the guy only a handful of times and thought he was too 'granola-y'-into alternative treatments with vitamins...He is still making appointments with his HMO therapist.
I've been reading through Yellowrose's archived threads-makes me realize what a long haul this is with no guarantee at the end. And that thought makes me angry that my life is in a way being hijacked(I know its my choice to stick it out), this detour wasn't my choice. I'm sad for all the things my H will miss with his daughter's and sad for my daughter's not having a strong, consistent father in their lives. Lots of emotions!
Last edited by kjensen; 04/15/0901:05 AM.
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
K Its good that you H is still seeking therapy and we have all been there and still are at times..sad for our kids that they have so fragile a father who cheated ect but my R is stronger with my kids due to this mess its all in Gods hands peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Oh K, you are so early into this. It is perfectly understandable that you have all these emotions. I am 21 months into this and I still have great big moments of anger and sadness. Its ok.
The road you take on this journey is always your choice. No one knows what the future holds. Everyone's journey is different. But I will promise you this - you will grow and learn more about yourself than you ever thought possible. While this is absolutely not the road any of us thought we would have to take, you will come out of this stronger than you ever thought possible.
Try not to look at anyone's timeline. Try not to look at the long haul. Take it one day at a time, one moment at a time if you have to.
The way to lessen the intensity of the feelings really is to detach as much as you can. Everyone gets there in their own time. But start with little things, like not looking around in his office. I know its hard, but it really is for the best.
Try each day not to give your h all of your headspace. Concentrate on your girls and what things you might want to try that you havent. Just go for it. Take a class, go out with a girlfriend. It really is important for your girls and your h to see you GAL and it is most important for you.
If you look back at Yellowrose and BND and others who have db'd sucessfully, you will find that it wasnt until they let go completely that their h's moved toward them. Once they started living life without worrying about their h's, their h's started towards home.
So, have a cry and then get to gettin'. You could do this. We are here for you.
