I do not want to minimize your pain. It sucks. It startles...rattles your world view and you question your perceptions and everything...all normal...I get it.
But last night I saw a woman from Rwanda who hid from her neighbors when their tribe took over and was killing everyone from her own tribe. She hid in a house behind a wall, with 4 other women, for 5 months. She weighed 70lbs when she got out. Her speech was about forgiveness.
And it reminded me that even in our sorrows, right now no one is shooting at us. (when the time comes that you go overseas, remember you are a volunteer, & you are armed). No one tells us whether we can worship or where or how. We are not starving. We have food in our refrigerator (not a bag or sack of rice on the dirt floor) and there will be food there tomorrow. You are healthy, and if you were not, you'd get care from trained professionals. No one has to call the semi trained medical assistant in the village 44 miles away, to travel over the dirt road, some time to see you, and then hope you have the money to pay for the medicine you hope he has available...you live in a home that no one is going to break into in the night and say they are the government and want to see your papers, or demand money, and you know where your family is b/c no one arrested them never to be seen again...
There is a lot to be said for how good your life is when you think of it globally and especially as a woman. You can walk somewhere without a male relative chaperoning you there...No one will force you to marry a man you don't love or even know, or to stay in an abusive marriage or to give birth in a hut without medical care of pan relief....I reminded myself of this when I was sick in my last pregnancy. I was hospitalized and began to feel sorry for myself and looked out the window at the moon, and realized how many millions of pregnant women were out there in the world right then, maybe looking at the same moon at the same time... and wondering if they were going to survive giving birth, or whether their h's were safe, or coming home, or if there would be food in the shack the next day, or where she'd give birth, if she could read, or learn to, or ever have a job,
and I got the overwhelming feeling that I was incredibly lucky to be here. Made me feel compassion for the women out there too. There are some just as broken hearted as you right now. But with NO resources...they have literally lost everything when their man left their marriage... You are so strong and fortunate and you will do so well in life. You really will be fine. As for losing your faith or misplacing it... I can understand. But then, maybe you were saved a much worse loss.
Maybe He did help you...maybe you have been saved a lot of pain you don't know about...and years... I'm just wondering about this...don't want to say "cheer up and be happy now!" I am not trying to minimize your sitch. But I wanted to give you some perspective b/c there are so many women here who have given decades of their lives, sacrificing careers and moving away from their families FOR their h's, losing jobs, bearing children and raising them, and then finding themselves alone, perhaps uneducated, without job skills, no retirement and for many of them now, NO health insurance, left with NOTHING...
You will heal from this and move on...as fast as you want to...imho. I think there's a lot that is up to you here. Think of the women out there who would do anything to have the freedom you have to go into your future as you wish. In a way, you owe it to them and yourself to move forward and live well. Make sense?
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
