I'm sorry its all going ahead and that H is pushing for talks about finances..you discussed this before and I said, as you are so young, dont have kids and were M only a year (sorry!...) and that his Dad gave him the money, I really feel, morally, you should just let him have back what his Dad gave him (which might mean its not a 50/50 split right?). So if you accepted that, morally, as the fair thing to do, then would there be any need to be so nervous? Or do you really feel that you have the 'right' to his Dads share of the deposit?
As for what you said above, I was a little surprised at that..."I didn't get annoyed when he told me he had gone to Spain at the weekend with workmates, even though my instinct is to."
...but why would you get annoyed? You've been apart since Oct 2007, he has had another gf since then (sorry again!...) and now lives with her.. he's not yours and as Jody said, you can no longer assume any exclusivity of an R with him.. he has someone else in his life right now...or did you mean he went with her?
If not, then you have been talking about DBing and yardsticks comparing frequency of texting to friends in RL.. so.. would you be annoyed at a freind for going away for the weekend?? My ex went skiing with 5 lads last December for a week, I was chuffed as bits for him, as he is depressed. I'm just a bit surprised that after all this time apart and all the soul searching you have done on the M, that your instinct would be to be annoyed? Are you threatened by the thought of him going away for a weekend with friends? (depends if ow went!) and how does that fit in with your strategy for being friends with him right now?
Secondly, you said overpage.. "There wasn't a great deal wrong with our marriage, it was more circumstance, however most of the damage seemed to be done after he left"
but then said above..."If we were together in our old r I would never have let him go on that break. I realise now that I was controlling. Since GAL I have really learnt to be my own person and more secure in that. I think now, I wouldn't have a problem with him going."
..yes its not really acceptable to stifle a partner and NOT let them go away for a couple of days with friends due to your own insecurities.. if you dont let someone be themselves, they are going to perhaps want to break free of that control? You said you had learnt to not be that way now..thats good, as it doesnt make for a healthy R hey, or happy spouse (either way).
I hope you dont think I'm being nit picky here, but sometimes, I feel you sound really ok and going forwards and then you say something that makes me feel a little concerned for you!.. and no, I'm not your mother!! but I hope you take this in the spirit its intended.. as in, food for thought?
As for 180 no 2.. I was thinking about your sitch and it feels like you are still stuck in one of the DBing stages I think, but I'm not sure which..but you havent taken the risk to lay your cards on the table and say, you know what, I love you, I miss you and I am always here if you change your mind.. but I accept you are with gf... or did you do that?? So a 180 could be to actually tell him that you wish things were different? Rather than always be so 'ok' about anything? I'm not saying you should, I just wondered after all this time, whether it would be worth just telling him how you feel?
I hope you manage to sort out a date to meet him and its not too stressful doing so! Al xxx
