H wants to meet to talk about splitting the finances for the house.
He did the usual thing of not replying when I asked him when? So I went dark as this usually works however it ended up I had to text him today to say that the buyers of our house were getting the survey done on Thursday.
180 number 1 I didn't get annoyed when he told me he had gone to Spain at the weekend with workmates, even though my instinct is to. If we were together in our old r I would never have let him go on that break. I realise now that I was controlling. Since GAL I have really learnt to be my own person and more secure in that. I think now, I wouldn't have a problem with him going. So I made a joke on the text and said it sounded like fun. It was actually good he told me - a very 'friend' thing to do.
180 number 2 Stating that I was just as keen to get things sorted- even though I am totally not!! I am dreading the conversation! I was unable to make the evenings he suggested so he pushed for lunchtimes but again I am busy. So I have stood firm and said that I am keen to get things sorted but that this week was very busy for me and suggested Monday evening. We'll see what he comes back with...
The buyers for the house are really keen to get things moving so I anticipate things will go quickly. So I thought I should start thinking about where I am going to live. I am not really keen to stay round this area as I feel fresh surroundings will be good and I don't know many people round here. Most of my friends are in London so I am going back there I think. I have made an appointment to view a flat tomorrow to get a feel for what I am in for - the estate agent pointed out to me that my expectations are higher as I have owned my own property and for the budget I have I should really lower them.
The weekend was strange; I should have been more prepared and made plans to go away. I had my Mum round which was nice but at the same time tiring. I realised why I had distanced myself a bit as she has such emotional, often irrational reactions to things. I understand, I am her daughter and she can't bear that I have to go through this but at the same time it doesn't help. I had to go through topics like
- How she didn't like my wedding anyway (which I planned and was my perfect day!!) - How angry she was at H's parents - Moved onto my sister and my ex bro-in-law - comparing his misdemeanours with H's.
Ugh, it was exhausting, but I am hoping I managed it well enough that it will be the last time that we have to have a conversation like that. I made it very clear that her way of thinking was not my way of thinking but it was still hard and has shaken memories for me a bit. I am stopping myself going down cheeseless tunnels which talk of the things we talked about tends to send me down. All in all it was quite stressful - I feel better for ranting here a bit. I know she means well, I just hope I have curbed it now.
Still, times are fairly stressful at the moment which is why I think I was ill and still not totally better. So I am going to start a programme of looking after me.
1. Starting to exercise again as I have been lazy recently. 2. Taking vitamin supplements 3. Reassessing the contents of my wardrobe and looking at constructive small things that don't cost too much to make me look fabulous 4. Keep positive and optimistic.
