Hey Song. I have to agree - divorce isn't the answer that will help your kids. But you have to set the example for your kids. Your kids need to see that Dad is not the one that gave up. Sets the right example.
If your wife wants a divorce, then she needs to be the one to initiate it. She needs to go down and get the paperwork, hire the lawyer, etc.
Hang in there. You are doing the right thing for your kids.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
N.U.T.S will tell you that "no one should deter you away from making the best decisions for your children to keep them safe". So, stay with your intuition. One thing is true tho'...you will KNOW when it is time to file, if, that time occurs.
That's the thing. My intuition tells me that W is in a fog and not making rational decisions, and is trying to get me to go along with D so she doesn't come across as the "bad guy". I won't go along with it, if there is going to be a D, it's all on her, and I will not help move the process along at all.
That's the thing. My intuition tells me that W is in a fog and not making rational decisions, and is trying to get me to go along with D so she doesn't come across as the "bad guy". I won't go along with it, if there is going to be a D, it's all on her, and I will not help move the process along at all.
Then don't do it. Stick to your guns on this. If she goes through with it...let it all be on her. Divorce is not best for our kids. They don't have a say so in a decision that will greatly affect their lives for the rest of their lives.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
[quote=faithisbelieving] That's the thing. My intuition tells me that W is in a fog and not making rational decisions, and is trying to get me to go along with D so she doesn't come across as the "bad guy". I won't go along with it, if there is going to be a D, it's all on her, and I will not help move the process along at all.
This very thing upsets my H a lot about our sitch. He thinks I'm being "righteous" and a "goodie" by not contributing to a D. I honestly believe in our M and am standing for what I believe is. It's simple. I have done nothing to stand in his way but will not aide the process. Our Ss can definitely challenge us!
Keep standing your ground and be strong!
Last edited by FitChik; 04/14/0904:17 PM.
Me:28, first M H: 33, second M Married: 08/08 Bomb: 10/08 H filed D and deployed: 12/08 Served: 04/09 I deploy: 07/09 Hearing date: 08/09
That's the thing. My intuition tells me that W is in a fog and not making rational decisions, and is trying to get me to go along with D so she doesn't come across as the "bad guy". I won't go along with it, if there is going to be a D, it's all on her, and I will not help move the process along at all.
Then don't do it. Stick to your guns on this. If she goes through with it...let it all be on her. Divorce is not best for our kids. They don't have a say so in a decision that will greatly affect their lives for the rest of their lives.
Just a thought...most people don't question their lifelong committment to their children. Regardless of the rough spots, depression, and disillusionment we experience as a result of our lives with our children...nobody would ever think of divorcing their children. That's absurd. We learn to roll with punches. People have committed, all-forgiving attitudes toward their children...but when their spouses don't live up to their expectations...divorce is considered as an option!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
People have committed, all-forgiving attitudes toward their children...but when their spouses don't live up to their expectations...divorce is considered as an option!
That is one of the most frustrating aspects of this whole situation. I would never give up on my kids, for any reason, and I know W would never give up on them either. My W and Kids are the most important people to me, bar none, and I wouldnt' give up on any of them. That is why it is so hard to detach from W, because it feels like I am giving up on her. It angers me, it saddens me, and it literally makes me sick to think about it. I hate this.
That is why it is so hard to detach from W, because it feels like I am giving up on her.
Then look at it differently than you are. If it's gonna work out, then this is what you need to do. Listen to the folks here about this. It's not giving up on her (old view)...it's increasing the liklihood that things will work out for you two (new view).
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
That is why it is so hard to detach from W, because it feels like I am giving up on her. It angers me, it saddens me, and it literally makes me sick to think about it. I hate this.
You got it wrong song. Your WIFE is giving up on YOU. Not vice versa. Again, I preach to you that you continue to play the game of Twister...with two hands on your faith and two feet on reality. I post a quote from my guru:
Quote:
A man should hold onto his vows as long as he has evidence of the foundation for a marriage. Period. He should know that it takes love and all the things born of love (friendship, loyalty, trust, respect, etc) and attraction (fun, adventure, sex, etc) to make a marriage, and that since attraction can be had independent of love and vice versa, that he needs to watch out for attraction making him think that he or she is feeling love, or that love is making him think there is attraction (the emotional rush of love leads to emotional sex that is not attraction-driven and while enjoyable, does not quell the adventure lust that most people have and fail to acknowledge).
Just something to read and digest.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
