Be prepared for her to start promising you the moon and the stars. Much of what she says will be lies, or -- at best -- spinning the truth. Remember: only when her ACTIONS aligns with her WORDS -- over time -- will you know she is speaking the truth.
Thanks Puppy. I hear what you are saying and know it's the truth. Didn't speak to W at all yesterday except for the couple of text msgs in the morning. Gonna be dim for awhile and see how she reacts. Even though I know it wouldn't mean anything I wouldn't mind getting some moon and stars promising for a change instead of the crap getting dumped on me I usually get.
Last night was pretty cool. Went and played volleyball for a couple of hours and caught up with some old friends I haven't seen in awhile. I am so glad to be back into playing some now. It's amazing what you give up without even thinking about it and how much in hindsight you realize you shouldn't have. Pretty tired this morning due to not enough sleep. Gonna make today kinda rough but it'll be ok.
Thinking about the moon and stars comment some more...I think knowing my W and her stubborn streak and wanting to be right I won't get any moon or stars treatment until the very last moment before the paperwork is filed. Just my thoughts on that....
dcsquared, I'm going to jump in here since I have been dealing with the "promise the moon and stars" sitch lately. Here's my perspective:
Yes, it feels good to finally hear what you've wanted to hear since all this started. She's sorry, she loves you, she'll do anything to make it up to you. xBF wrote me a long letter saying all these things. So I got my hopes up. But then nothing. There was no follow up action. I was disappointed. More talk about wanting to give it another try. Ok, then let me see you try. Again nothing, no action. More disappointment.
I just want to forewarn you that while it sounds good it's still very difficult to deal with. Don't jump at the first declaration. Puppy is right: only when the actions match the words consistently can you start to believe.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Thanks puppy and PH. You guys are definitely right and I'm sure that if/when it happens it will be difficult to deal with. It would be a change though from the norm and in some way I think that would at least be something...good or bad. Right now I'm planning for things to end. If they don't...bonus, if they do then I'm prepared for it. I'm focusing on myself and D3 and trying to keep our lives sane and happy. Some days are good and some are bad but I feel like I've turned a corner since the good days outweigh the bad days now. W knows where I stand and knows that she has a decision to make and that I won't wait forever for that to happen. It's good that way because I can focus on my life and not worry about the R because there is nothing more really to be said or done until she makes a change one way or the other. I'll continue to DB, GAL, and making myself and D3 happy. If she does decide to come around and do the moon and stars thing then I'll approach it slowly and cautiously and look to her actions and not words and go from there.
Hey DC, You sound really level-headed and mature where you are right now. Some of that may be bravado, but whatever it is in truth, remember it. Stick it in your pocket. Put a pin in it and tack it to the corkboard. Take it down and look at it from time to time, because that is exactly the attitude that wins in these sitches.
Keep strong and keep working.
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
PD, You could be right that some of it could be bravado but I'm getting pretty secure in the fact that our family and I should be worth fighting for and if W is not willing to do that then it really will be her loss. Like I said though...there are good days and there are bad and I have to take each one as it comes and keep working on myself and getting stronger.
So here's an interesting little exchange between W and me that happened a little earlier today that I'd like to get some people's thoughts on. W called me and we had some idle chit chat and she asked how volleyball went last night. I said it was great, we won both matches and it felt really good to be playing again. I told her that I saw some people I hadn't talked to in years and it was cool to catch up. She instantly starts quizzing on who. I said well there was this one girl Amy that I used to play ball with about 7 or 8 years ago. W was like...is she single. I said ummm...no, she's married with two kids. W was like...oh, who else? So I said this other couple that we both know and who knows my ex-girlfriend from before W and W was like...great, now ex is going to know what's going on and be trying to contact you. I was like....huh????
So, what the heck is that all about? It's like the jealousy streak comes out instantaneously and really for no logical reason. I haven't talked to ex for about 5 years....
I just ignored it and moved on to something else. I wanted to say...ummm, you're the one with a boyfriend so why would it matter if ex wanted to talk to me. But that would be wrong in so many ways so I just bit my tongue and let W keep talking.
Seriously, sometimes the stuff WAW does really confounds me.
It IS pretty confounding, but that which you describe is also SCRIPT.
Women want what they can't have (men do too!). SHE may not want it at the moment, but she damned sure doesn't want anyone ELSE to have it tho, either.
Couple that basic natural instinct with the fact that a man is much more attractive when he's GALing and displaying a confident air of "he-who-cares-the-least," and you've got a pretty potent aphrodesiac.
