Slowly but surely - detach and 180

[hopefulinEG]

I am also really trying to work on forgiving myself. I have managed to stop myself from thinking about her and the OW (mostly) but now I think about all the chances I had and how I screwed it all up. Not even looking at all the things I did to make her feel unappreciated and unloved, In retrospect I see that right there at the end she was really starting to turn around. I wanted it faster and pushed to much and she ran the other way. Then in my hurt, I got angry and said a lot of hurtful things that made it so much worse. I was so self destructive. I so often go over these scenes in my head and wish I could do it over. I don't even know if she can ever forgive me. I am pretty sure that if I hadn't said those horrible things when I was angry she would have come around eventually but I made it so there is very little chance.

Thinking about this makes my incredibly sad and also makes my feel like my sitch is hopeless.

How do you forgive yourself? How do you stop thinking about all the things that could have been different? Should have been different.

-Catherine