Slowly but surely - detach and 180

[hopefulinEG]

So W moved her bedroom furniture and clothes out last night. So she is official not living here although she still has some stuff to move next Sunday. She has slept at her new place all week though and just came back to shower and see the kids and pack. I am both happy and very sad about it. I am happy that the tension is gone and I already feel like I am able to not think about her for longer periods of time and when I do it is less painful and I am getting better at think stopping. The flip side is that I am very sad. I did a lot of crying on and off Saturday when no one was home. I let myself cry it all out for a couple hours while doing housework. It feels so real and final now. Moving back in the house will be much harder than moving back into the bedroom.

I have told her that I want to minimize our contact. We were originally going to see each other 2 times a day practically every day. We worked it out so both of those times we swing it so we don't see each other. She got a little mad when I said I didn't want to see her. I told her I am sorry if that sounds rude but it is what I need to move on with my life and she said she understood why.

The kids have had a hard time the last 2 nights with her not there at bedtime. I told her about it and she got really mad both times. She basically made it sound like I was exaggerating and they are fine and I should be telling her about it. She also said we talked too much on the phone yesterday and I was the one that said I didn't want to see her. She called me twice and I called her after the kids went to bed to talk logistics and tell her about the kid's reaction. I was telling her so she could also reassure them so they got it from both side. I get the sense she thinks I am telling her to make her feel guilty and maybe projecting her guilt. My friend reminded me that she might doubt her decision and needs to get angry at me to reaffirm to herself that it was right. I need to remember that and stay cool and not give her any reason to think it was a good decision.

We did get along all week before she moved out including the day she moved (she came over for Easter morning). Then suddenly the first day of being gone she is so mean and angry.

She was also mad because the girls wanted to go to my mom's in the afternoon instead of spending it with her. Sounds like she's mad that they don't miss her "enough" and also mad that they did miss her and maybe she feels guilty about that.

This is what I wanted so I could detach but now I hate the thought of not seeing her all week. I have never gone that long without seeing her since we got together 13 years ago. I keep telling myself that this is the right thing to stay strong and go by the book regardless of how hard it is.