I know you've thought a ton about your sitch, but have you ever thought that to an "it's all about me" person, the reason they have trouble relating to a generally good, thoughtful, giving person is that they can never have empathy for that person and that's what makes an A so intoxicating to them? That there's another person EXACTLY like them?
It's funny you should say this, H4U, but as I've just started reading more about NPD, this is EXACTLY the impression I was getting. You are NOT going to be much (if any) remorse from a narcissist, for example.
There's also a big correlation between NPDs and infidelity, and SERIAL infidelity goes thru the roof with this group.
You have been one of the primary buttresses of this board. You've helped so many. It is good to see that you are reaching out for *yourself* during this horrible time.
I never seemed to notice posts from you about your situation, so I never knew the history. I still know little, but seeing that you have been suffering in an SSM, I am a bit sad that you weren't hanging out with us tormented souls in the SSM forum. Maybe we could have helped in some way... Or at least given you some comfort in some little way. I'm so sorry for all that you've endured for so many years, and I hope that you had the support you needed from somewhere.
I hope you find peace, and I hope this all makes sense one day for you. It is a tragedy, indeed.
You deserve love and happiness. I will pray that your path leads you there soon.
Forget # 3 - this is now a divorce. Neither of you answer to each other or owe the other explanations. # 3 is an agreement for parent and kid - not divorcing husband and wife.
JMO
I should clarify. #3 was written to her when Separation was still the item being discussed. She has ALWAYS wanted separation, going back to when she was still lying to me that there was nobody else in May of 2007, and several times since. She's always feared divorce, and never wanted it -- just wanted some vague "I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!" and "I'M NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER!" and "I NEED TO GET ON WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE!" I'd never been in favor of separation before, for a lot of reasons, but this time I was willing to, with those three conditions.
So sorry that things are going this way. Its certainly not for a lack of effort on your part. You have given a herculean effort and did not recieve the same in return.
Originally Posted By: Stillhope
So what if it drives her crazy and isn't ideal for her. Sorry... but - prepare for the worst. IMHO from the general reading I've done on your threads, I think the "amicable" divorce odds for you are maybe 50/50. Please don't comprimise your life in some sort of fantasy idea that she will appreciate it and recipricate. It is unlikely she will. Don't move - make her move. That way she gets the freedom to come and go out and you are able to stay in your house and provide stability for the kids.
I couldn't agree more. Mrs. Puppy has chosen this path, now let her see what the consequences of her choices are. Letting her continue to have a sense of entitlement is really unfair to all involved at this point. If you have made the decision to divorce then let her start to experience life as a "free" woman. Keeping her in the lifestyle she has grown accustomed to is not helpful to anyone, especially you.
As for an "in-house" separation...don't do it. Its very detrimental to the spirit and heart. Any positive feelings that you have for her will be crushed with this situation. JMO, but I'd have her move out until the situation is stabilized and things are a bit clearer.
Hugs and prayers to you and the boys...
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I agree with JMO. She should move. Why are you sparing her the heartache of living with her parents? This is not your problem, and you are again allowing her to take, take, take and not have to give anything.
WP, I'm basing this on the fact that the decision to divorce is MUTUAL now. This is no longer her saying "I can't live like this," or "ILYBINILWY". So I do get something out of this -- and hopefully, it's my long-awaited happiness.
To be honest, I left the SSM board after the "Valentine's Day (2008) Purge," when so many people got banned (and others left voluntarily), and then mostly just because I became "atheist" on the subject. I don't believe there's really anything you can do, that's sustainable, when there are clashing libidos involved, unless BOTH partners are willing to work at it, and even then I saw very, very few success stories. I think you have to do a better job identifying someone's ideas about sexuality while dating, rather than think we're going to "fix" them later.
I know, I know, "we don't fix THEM, we fix OURSELVES, and then in the PROCESS . . . " LOL. But it's what I believe, so I resigned myself to a celibate marriage for as long as I thought I could endure it.
I'm very sorry it's come to this, choc. I don't know what more you could have done.....
Dude .... if it's mutual (and it is, because "I want a separation and to be able to do whatever I please but still have you support me and provide childcare at night" is not an option in a sane universe) .... why in the name of all that is holy would YOU even CONSIDER moving in with HER parents???????
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
