Karen/all -- I should probably clarify. I too don't think the same-house separation is a good idea, since she's made it clear she can't live with Boundary #3 (she's since backed off of that somewhat, probably realizing how she was looking [IMAGE is everything to a narcissist], and said "it's not DATING so much as it is I just need to move on with my life . . ." yadda yadda yadda. Yeah, right).
In fact, I came to this realization:
She would never characterize it this way, but it's become apparent to me that she doesn't really want a divorce (she's said so, and shown as much), or even a "separation" in the normal sense of the word (her having to fend for herself, logistically and emotionally, on a day-to-day basis).
No, what she seems to really want is my permission for her to have another AFFAIR, or some sort of "open marriage."
In her dreamworld, she would love for:
- me to continue to support her financially;
- me to have my own place (not here), BUT, me to come over here in the evenings and cook dinner for the boys and clean up, and help S12 with his homework, then get the hell out and go back to my own place so she can have her "space";
- her to not have to work full-time, or even take on any more hours (says it's "impossible");
- her to be free (and have my blessing) to "begin the rest of her life" by dating other men.
It's great work, if you can get it. :o)
Mind you, most of the above she obviously never SAID it that way, but now that I'm sober (the wine was flowing pretty good the other nite as we were talking, and I just let her go), it's crystal-clear to me.
She apparently has become friends with a girl at the gym. (???) She's very recently separated, and (wait for it ....) she cheated on her husband (but OF COURSE "that's not the cause of their marriage coming apart" -- typical infidelity SCRIPT). She was supposedly going out for drinks with this girl last Friday or Saturday night, but her plans kept changing and instead she just said she "met her shopping" Saturday afternoon (altho she was dressed up pretty nice when she went out -- new outfit, and smelling nice). and I smell a rat. Her appointment book is written as such that it looks like the entry originally said "Drinks w/ Lxxxx & ????" and then the world "girls" was written underneath the "????"
She's CLEARLY hiding the cellphone from me, altho she could just as easily not want me to see legal, financial or just general D-talk with her girlfriend on there. Still, my instincts are usually pretty good, and I smell the very early stages of a new EA with OM2 here.
I think my laying out the "no dating" boundary screwed up The Princess's plans.
