Puppy, I dont think your condition #3 is realistic. You may want to wait for yourself, however, there is no way to dictate that to your STBXW. And because of that, I agree with DQ and Karen that living together in separation is going to be difficult for you. Just look at the hell that FaithIsBelieving is going through.
So if you are going to get separate places to live eventually, the first thing to get down on paper is a parenting plan. Dont let the parenting plan get confused with division of assets and any support. Get it done first as the kids come first.
I know from all the great advice you have given here that there is good awaiting you in the future. You do deserve to be in a loving relationship where both partners work together to keep the love alive.
