Seperated But Living Together

[2gthrButApart]

I'm trying so hard to hold on, especially when I see a lil' sign of hope. But I think it' like a desert mirage. My heart is making me see things that my head knows aren't really there. I think all of th lil' signs of hope are just ways he's trying to be nice so our D can be a friendly one. I have the feeling he has no intention of a R.

On his trip, he brought me some souvenirs, one was a shirt that said Someone who Loves me got me this shirt...I said Oh I thought it was going to say someone went to....and all I got was this stickin' t-shirt. He said he saw that one but decided to get me the one that says love instead. I thought it was a sign of "something" but maybe it's not, of course he loves me, but he's not in love with me, as he has said several times. So why the heck can't I let him go, as he has so easily done me.

I feel like I'm out in the middle of the ocean, waiting to be rescued, eaten by sharks or just drown from fighting so long and hard. I keep thinking I "see a rescue crew" but it's just my imagination, my heart playing tricks on me. I love my H so much, but I just can't take the pain, the distance, being brushed off, not being chosen...I just can't take it anymore. My friends tell me I'm doing great, but I feel I'm just staying afloat, the shore is nowhere in sight.