PDT - Your extreme efforts to DB and affair-bust are going to serve you well during this transition, because you have become a bigger, better person in the process. And now you will put all those new skills to work on yourself as you move through this thing...
I would recommend however that you don't do an in-house separation.
Your W will likely be running out at all hours, on the phone at all hours, and you will be (no matter how you try) driven crazy by it. You both need space right now, her so she can run off and do her thing whatever that is....and you so that you can begin to heal and begin removing yourself from that awful place of fear and paranoia. You can remove yourself from that place if SHE is still in your space with you.
I don't know your sitch but you did say you can't afford two households. I get that, but even if one of you has to go to stay with a friend for a while or with a relative, that is going to be better than an in-house separation. IMO, the only time an in-house separation is warrented is when the kids are very little and really need both parents, and are too young to catch subtle things like "mom texting to someone all the time".
Staying with a friend or relative may be like a last resort for some, but there really will be some peace you can gain from that arrangement that you can't get from an in-house deal.
Puppy, you're a warrior in this world for all of us, and I hope that everyone physically close to you will help you and be your warrior now. Its gonna be a long road ahead....but now at least there is light at the end of the tunnel.
