Counseling

[Bagheera]

Moving a topic of conversation over from LuckyGirl's thread to here, where it seems to fit something that we'd talk about in one of DQ's threads:

Oh and hey, I wanted to say, you didn't say it out right but implied that you do have O's from intercourse alone. If that is the case, you and Mr. Lucky need to understand how LUCKY you both really are! I'm totally jealous and I doubt I will ever have an O from intercourse alone. You really ARE a Lucky Girl!

Since I had the baby, for some reason, my G spot seems to be more sensitive and/or easy to reach(?) so now I can also O just by using my finger, and during sex I don't even have to grind too much because just thrusting stimulates it. Of course, my head has to be in the right place for an O to occur, too. I can usually tell when it is just peeking within sight, and I can mentally go toward it to grasp it. I don't know it that makes sense.

From what Mrs. B. and I have been experiencing over the past few months, vaginal O's are something that can be learned, at least by some women, and with time, patience, and practice. Mrs. B. learned how to O through VERY direct clitoral area stimulation: first by hand, then by bathtub water (this was before the days of shower massages), and more recently by -strong- vibrator (battery operated ones still don't do it for her). Much to my chagrin, I have yet to succeed in even building her arousal state through oral stimulation, much less bring her all the way to an O: it simply isn't strong enough stimulation for her -- at least not yet.

However, as Lucky pointed out above, the internal shifts and changes that were brought about by childbirth (Mrs. B has bourn four), have caused her G-spot area (or 'clitoral cluster,' to use Ian Kerner's terminology) to become far more prominent when aroused, and far more sensitive to stimulation also. My nickname for it is the "cat's tongue," because when she is fully aroused and vaginal walls ballooned, the region becomes enlarged, 'erect' (it does contain spongy, erectile tissue which surrounds and protects the urethra), it forms a ridged tongue-shape that 'licks' my frenulum terribly (or wonderfully) when we are in a rear-entry type of position. Its increased sensitivity has permitted her to experienced 'blended' orgasms, and on two occasions now, the elusive vaginal orgasm.

The blending part has taken the most practice to get used to. If we began with clitoral stimulation and tnen added in vaginal stimulation, or inversely, began with vaginal stimulation and then layered in clitoral stimulation, the later would almost always 'distract from' the former, rather than adding to it. She's had to train herself to 'blend' the two, in order to keep the arousal building from both areas simultaneously. This has, however, now become the most common form of orgasm she has when we are together, and dense male that I am, I'm slowing getting better at reading her subtle signs and knowing when to 'ramp up' my thrusting at the right time to drive both her and myself over the edge at the same time. The additional clitoral stimulation is provided by either my hand or the Hitache -- she still generally won't 'do herself' while we're making love, despite my encouragement.

A couple of times now, I've been able to hold off my own while she has her first O (still hard for me to do), and have been able to bring her to a second O via vaginal stimulation alone -- nothing earth-shattering, in fact, pretty small O's, but there nonetheless. They've taken us each by surprise when they've occurred, so far.

I should also add -- all of the above practice and work has been MY WIFE'S doing, in cooperation with our sex therapist. I've not pushed her in one direction or another, beyond my very male desire to bring her as much pleasure as possible via my own developing SKILLZ; hand, tongue, phallus, or otherwise. I've never insisted on simultaneous or vaginal O's, but have instead let HER take the lead, for a change, and have been cooperating with her own explorations -- a very good thing, really, for both of our benefits. Go girl, GO!

-- B.