a script? i know my wife and i could see it in her eyes, she meant every word of it, she wants to be in my life she said, she also said she loves the person i am and my peronality, i make her laugh and understand her, and she wishes she could tell me thats she loves me and wants me but she cant beacuse she dosent know what she wants, only thing she is certain of is that she wants to be on her own to enjoy life without asking or telling people what she can and cant do,
this is really difficult for my wife and i have shown her i understand, ive also listened to everything she has said very carefully, and i know she is hurting so much at the pain this is causing, this was the last resort for her, and believe me the last person she would want to hurt is me,
bumped into an old school friend before and she was shocked at the news of us breaking up, she said i didnt realise until i seen she was regestered has being SINGLE on facebook, (ouch) that hurt so bad, why did it hurt so bad? i mean we are married but i suppose we are single, it just knocked me for six,
just unsure what to do now, thanks guys
that would have thrown me for a loop as well.
She has told you that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you or anyone else but going on facebook and telling the "world" that she is single tends to throw up red flags about other intentions.
I know you love her bro, really I do. We wouldn't be on these forums if we didn't really love our spouses, we wouldn't care at all.
Saying that she is single is her advertising that she is, she is putting the idea out there to everyone who can view her profile that she is single, what would be the intention behind that? Why the need to quickly put that out there?
Limiting your contact is part of what you need to do. Don't be the one to initiate contact, if she wants to contact you, let her and you can definitely respond back.
You need to appear happy, as if this is a weight off your shoulders and that this presents new freedom to you. Women who leave their husbands use their husbands for emotional healing, while you are at home feeling sad about the situation, weak, broken, etc. She knows this and it really pumps up her self-esteem because the thought that registers in her head is wow, look who important I am to him, I feel pretty good about myself, I feel very secure now and if I want him back, I can take him back any second and he'll just jump at the chance (because you being sad, weak, grovelling for affection, etc. shows that you have low self-esteem)
You need to start going out more with friends, you need to start getting a life. You need to get to the gym regularly, pump some iron, clean up the diet and change your self-perception. Not only will it make you feel better, your self-esteem will improve, pumping some heavy iron will also increase testosterone production, you'll feel stronger, more assertive, more aggressive, more masculine and that will also help your mindset during this process.
You need to clean up a bit, change the way you look, take this time off from your wife to rediscover your individuality. Get a new haircut, new hairstyle, buy yourself some new smart casual clothes that you can wear when you're just walking around town and hooking up with friends but make sure they look & feel different from the style that you usually wear. Yes this means stepping outside of yourself and being a bit uncomfortable but once you do this a few times, it gets better & much easier.
Start tanning, 10 min. every other day if possible, the extra UV exposure acts as an anti-depressant (it really does), it feels good to bake under the lights for a few minutes, darker skin color will make you look good, make your eyes stand out more, make you look & feel more attractive - don't question this one, just go do it and tell me what you think after a few weeks.
All of this plus changing your regular routines & behaviors (180's) will make you look, feel and be more attractive. That's what your goal is for you to feel better about yourself.
Your wife will notice, and this is a fringe benefit. She will notice that you're not sitting at home crying, sulking and being miserable. She will notice that you look & feel great. She will notice that you aren't waiting for life to improve, you are improving your life. She will also have conflicting thoughts in her head. She left you for many reasons, some of them she has told you, some she hasn't. You see women are largely attracted to men by their behaviors. You start behaving in ways that aren't attractive, they get turned off, their perception of your personal value drops lower, they question why they're with someone like you who just seems to be coasting or getting worse when life is short and they can be with someone of greater value, it's a subconscious thing for sure, don't take it personally but you must take responsibility for it now that you know that this is part of the problem. Act in an attractive manner: confident, happy, secure, masculine and you will be attractive to her. She lost her attraction for you and she has this baseline assumption that based on the things you've done that you aren't very attractive to her anymore, this is her belief and this belief gives her the reason to leave you and be single. Once you start doing some real changing, it throws her reasoning for a loop, if you are attractive, if you are happy, you look great, act great, are taking life by the horns and just living a really great life, she starts to question other things that she has rationalized concerning you and then she starts to wonder if maybe she was wrong about other things.
I hope some of this is making sense, let me know if you have any questions.
I tend to agree with PortlandDad, alot of what she is "script", those words & statements she used tend to get used alot to the point where they seem rehearsed.
