Swimming upstream...PH #7

[pearlharbr]

Ok, this update is overdue but I've been processing.

Met with xBF on Sunday. Started out by asking me why I was so dressed up. (Of course I was wearing a new dress that highlights my new figure!) Not exactly a compliment so I asked if I should change. No, that's not what he meant. We decided to go to dim sum instead of mediocre egg place so had to drive out to the burbs. Then we were going to go watch the races but they were closed for Easter. Came back to the house to go over and sign the settlement papers, chit chatted and played with the cats for a while. I finally asked if we were going to talk or not.

In a nutshell, he said my letter sounded like I was done with him. No, just laying out my bottom line and giving him the opportunity to say yes, I can do these things or no, I can't do these things. So the letter coupled with me being upset last week about him not wanting me to date other people made thim think I was done. I explained to him that I was done and could probably walk away now and have a happy life but I wanted to try everything so I'm willing to try. But he has not stepped up to the plate to show me that he's willing to put the effort in. He said he didn't want to push because he thought I was done with him. I said I've told him a number of times over the past month that I expect to see action on his part and there's only been a couple things done. He said he understands now (really?) and will step up. I told him this was the last time I was going to say anything because I'm tired of repeating myself and feeling like I'm telling him what I want/need and still not getting any response.

He ended up coming to a movie with me since that was what I had planned to do in the afternoon and his plans were cancelled. We came back to the house and he picked up his stuff and left.

All in all it was a pretty comfortable day just hanging out. But that doesn't mean I have any deeper feelings for him left.

He sent two emails this morning. One was forwarding an article that references a private joke between us our friends in MSP. Second said thanks for a nice day yesterday and offered to check on the cats on Fri because I'll be out of town. I replied that I had a nice time too and yes, it would be nice if he could stop by on Fri. Said I'll leave a house key out and asked him to return it when he leaves. I don't know if that sounds bad but I'm not ready to just give him back his keys.

We'll see what happens next. I'm waiting for him to bring up counseling. I think it's important to have someone help guide us through the upcoming discussions that need to happen. Wondering how long I give it before I bring it up. Still trying to walk the fine line between telling him what I want/need and letting him figure it out on his own.

Guess I'll move over to Piecing when this thread locks. But please please please come over and visit. I don't know how I would make it through this without all of you.