Starting to get "It" #2

[sandi2]

You sound good. You know what I was thinking while reading your stitch? All the different posts where you mentioned how you felt that day or you referred to it as a good or bad day. You aren't alone doing that b/c so many people on the board measures their day based on how well they think the DBing went or how the spouse acted toward them. I was just thinking........I can't remember the last time I thought that I was in a bad mood or my H didn't act like I wanted him to, or it was a crappy day b/c of my H's mood, etc. So, you will get to that place where you don't think about all of that stuff all the time. However, if you could make a concious effort to no be "moody" and try to maintain the same mood (at least on the front)it will help train you to not let your emotions dictate to you how your day is going to be. I am saying this from experience, btw. When I was a lot younger, I thought the world should revolve around "my" mood.... But one day at work I noticed that nobody was paying one bit of attention to my "mood". Of course, I wasn't thinking of it being a mood, as I recall, I thought I had a serious concern.....lol. However, it was discovering that those people I worked with could care less about my moods or whatever was going on at my house. I begin to take notice of people who seemed very grounded were the same every day. They did not show wide mood swings like I was doing......and you know what? I really admired those people who could do that and I began right then and there trying to work on myself to be more the same each day. Of course, there are times of sadness, troubles, or great happiness, etc. But everyone has these things in life. As I said, that was many years ago and when you do learn not to allow bad emotions to dictate your behavior, then you can say you have truly grown as a person b/c it is not an easy thing to accomplish.

You asked about the sleeping medication and you probably just need to talk to your doctor about it. Most prescription meds for sleep is addictive, but your sleep is very important and if you aren't getting more than 3 or 4 hours a night, then there's no wonder you are moody. You need to get your sleep or you will have other problems to arise with your health and you don't need that right now. You can deal with tappering off after all this is over. I went for a long, long time on very little sleep every night and I can promise you that it is bad on the body! You reach a place that you can't "deal" with anything and I personally think that is one reason you are having some of your mood problems. I hope you will think about it. You want to do what you need to but you aren't feeling well. You are worn out and I think it has a lot to do with not getting the proper rest you need.

So, take care,
Sandi