Thanks for your input mnt. I want to clarify something though. He told me that he didn't want to hurt me any more than he already has. I told him that nothing he could say would hurt me any more. That this limbo was killing me and I would rather he tell me that he wanted a divorce and that there was no hope. He said he couldn't tell me that. I told him that I would not be texting him, calling him, emailing, or contacting him and that if he needed anything he knew where I was and how to get in touch with me. He transfered his cell phone number into his name so now that means I can't check his call record. Which is actually a relief to me. I felt like a stalker. I am even contemplating taking a longer route to work and bringing the kids to school to stay away from where he lives. It's inconvenient, but maybe if I don't see his truck or not see his truck it will be easier to let it lie. He says that he is scared of me. I asked him what that meant and he said that he is scared he will say something and that I will blow up and be mad. I realize this is a 180 that I need to work on. I've always told him though that even if he told me something and I did get mad I would get over it, but it was better that he tell me what he is thinking than keep it to himself and me believe it is something else entirely. Sadly he pretty much admitted that if we had started counseling back when he started talking to my friend that we probably wouldn't be where we are today. That hurts. Anywho, I am going to do what I can for myself and my kids and move on. It's all I can do. I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do and to be honest I am tired of trying so damn hard to convince him that he does want to try. Hopefully he will figure it out on his own, but if he doesn't I will get through this. I have been through worse.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
