Had an episode today that I need to talk about, but I am at work at the moment. I did want to thank everyone for the kind words and for the advice. I need all that I can get. I want to ask something. What does it mean when you ask a spouse to take away your hope and tell you that they want a divorce and they won't do it? He says he knows that he doesn't want to be with me right now, but that he can't say he wants a divorce and never wants to be with me. He says he doesn't feel right asking me to wait for him for however long it takes him to decide. He then goes on to list could be a year, two years, or five years as he doesn't really know. He is enjoying doing things for himself and not being responsible. Still so much I have to tell you all about, but this was something I needed to hear back on. I begged him and cried and pleaded with him to tell me that he doesn't ever want me back and he can't do that. Can only say he doesn't want me right now. HELP!!!!! I got my book today and will be reading it as I can. I offered to let him read it in a hysterical kind of way and had to apologize. I just want him to know where I am coming from. Anywho, got to get back to work. I'll post to more threads on Wednesday when I am not working. Oh forgot to mention, I do have my appointment to get my hair done on Wednesday. I'm going shorter and blonde and gold highlights. \:\) He loved me blonde! I actually feel happier when I am blonde. Also going to go check out the gym close to the house. See you all in the am when I post about our conversation. Until then, I wish you all peace!

"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."