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[StrgMarvelousWmn]

It will all work out, in the end.

Amen to that, Sistah! The real paradox is that the more we let go and let God handle it....the more "control" we have on the outcome. I'm praying the path is short!

Well, I know that I cannot control anything the DH does, however God can put some powerful conviction on DH, in His time. Sitting on my hands is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but my patience grows daily. Please keep us in your prayers.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

SMW,

I can only imagine how excited and nervous you are at the same time as the big day approaches and finally as the ship pulls in at the pier. You have done such a fantastic job managing the homefront and caring for your family these past months while your H has been at sea. I will be praying for you and your family and hoping that your H has the wisdom to recognize what a Strong Marvelous Woman he has waiting for him upon his return. God bless!

S4H

S4H--

I AM nervous and excited right now. I have had butterflies in my stomach all day and feel like I am going to be sick . I hate feeling like this. I hoped to be so much more detached, but I cannot wait to see the love of my life come off that ship.

Thank you fro your prayers and support. I have tried to be teh best I can be as a wife, mother, and woman of God through this deployment. There are areas where I have struggled, but I hope the Lord is pleased with me. As for the situation with DH, all I can do is continue to love him and show him that not only do I love him, but God does too. I want him to know that the Lord does not condemn him and neither do I. I simply want him to find his way back to the salvation he had once found in our Heavenly Father through His son, Jesus.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

SMW - How many days????

I'm praying for you!

MB--

I cannot post the exact number of days due to OPSEC. I can post that as it stands right now, we are looking at less than a week, unless something were to drastically change in the next couple of days. I will know tomorrow how much more I can say after I go to the support group meeting.

Thank you for the continued prayers. I know that there is much love and support here and in real life and that many, besides me, are confident in the Lord's ability to bring about change and reconciliation in my marriage.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

I can finally post a date, but not a time. DH's ship will be returning on Saturday!

The kids are getting more excited by the day and I have to confess, Mommy is too!

I touched up my color this morning and added some highlights. It is now strawberry blonde with light blonde highlights. Those who are my friends in the alternate can see pics on my wall.

Another wife from the ship's support group said something interesting to me today. She asked if DH had seen the new me. I thought she meant the weight loss, new hair, contacts, etc. Well, she did, but she also said she has seen a new ME emerge over the past seven months. A confident, self-assured woman who knows her place in the world. She said that I have become a woman that any man would be proud to have in his life. You, know what--she is right!

Keep us all in your prayers as we continue to count down the days to homecoming.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[Silent Chrleader]

You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers, SMW!!!

I can well imagine the bittersweet emotions you must be feeling! The memories I have of all the homecomings with my H during our Navy years are still so very precious to me and thinking about them brings such a lump to my throat even today!

You have done a remarkable job during the last months! You absolutely have handled so many challenges with grace and dignity!! I know you give all the glory to God, but it's OK to feel a little proud of yourself too!

[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Hold On Tight
By Sue Bohnert
Guest Writer

CBN.com – Saturday morning, the day before Easter, I was driving to the grocery store about fifteen miles away. In the distance I saw something in the sky. As I got closer, I noticed it was a kite. Immediately, I thought of the times my husband and I would take our son and daughter out to an opened field and fly kites when they were young. I could see it vividly in my mind. We would have a lot of fun just spending time together as a family.

“Well”, I thought, “today, I’m going to go buy a kite and fly it.” I wanted to do that for my son, Byron, who is now in Heaven. It had only been eleven weeks since he moved. My heart has been so broken. I felt as though it would bring some sense of healing. After all, this healing is coming in very small increments and anything that aids in this process, I try to do.

When I got home from grocery shopping, I realized that I had forgotten to buy a kite. I was so sad and upset with myself. We live in a very small town and it’s not likely I would find a kite there. “Oh well, I’ll just have to fly a kite another day,” I said to myself.

The next day, I was really having a tough time. My husband and I had a disagreement. Some very hurtful things had been said which can be very dangerous during a time of grieving. In times like this, if you’re not careful the enemy sneaks in and before you know it there is an explosion of emotions that blows up. The next minute my husband’s in his truck leaving to go work in his sideline job. He needed to get away for a couple of hours.

I sat down and cried hysterically saying over and over, “Byron, I miss you so much. I really miss you. I wish I could talk to you. Please God, let Byron speak to me.” Byron and I over the years had become very close friends not just a mother and son relationship. We had to spend a lot of time together due to a health situation. He and I always prayed for and encouraged each other. I was really feeling that void in my life that day.

Later that evening, I felt the Lord tell me that I needed to make peace with my husband. We had sown too much into our family to just let our marriage go down. I certainly wasn’t going to give the devil ground. Remember, your enemy never backs off when you are faced with a crisis. So, I tried to sit down with my husband and talk things over. Well, it didn’t get much better but at least we were civil to each other. I kept praying for the Lord to help us.

About an hour later, I sat down at Byron’s laptop computer. I was just looking around for whatever I could find. I came across something that Byron had written. It was the start of a devotion he was working on.

Byron wrote:

Hold On Tight!
By Byron Bohnert

I remember as a kid when my parents would take my sister and I out to fly kites. They always helped us get our kite up in the air and once the kite was flying good they’d hand us the kite string and say, “Be sure to hold on tight and don’t let go.” There were no problems when you held on tight, but if you accidentally let go, the kite would take off.

Wow, God answered my prayers again! Why was I ever in doubt? There it was in black and white. I know Byron was going to write about hanging on to Jesus. I started crying when I read the paragraph. My husband walked over and asked what was wrong. When I shared with him that I believe Byron is telling us to hold on tight and don’t let go, he broke down crying. He apologized to Byron and me for how he had acted that day. There was another answered prayer. The Lord did help us bring this conflict to an end.

I would say to you, “Continue calling upon the Lord, Jesus. Whatever happens in your life, don’t let go of Him. Keep striving to live in peace and harmony with each other even when things seem to be getting worse. He will send the help you need and it will always come in a way you never thought.”

By the way, I’m going to the store today to buy a kite. I will fly that kite and hold on tight. That’s how I’m celebrating the first Easter without my son. Yes I’m hurting but at least I know my son, Byron, is able to be in the presence of God’s son, Jesus. Isn’t that what Easter is all about?

I received this devotional from CBN this morning. The true irony? The Easter Bunny brought all of us kites for Easter, including DH. And for Amy, Tawnya, and Pearl--in remembrance of our discussion of tattoos--my kite is a phoenix. God is so faithful. We must simply slow down, listen, trust in Him and hold on tight.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers, SMW!!!

Thank you Tj!

I can well imagine the bittersweet emotions you must be feeling! The memories I have of all the homecomings with my H during our Navy years are still so very precious to me and thinking about them brings such a lump to my throat even today!

I am a mess of nerves and nervous energy. I am having a hard time sleeping from the anticipation of seeing my DH. We are close enough to the time of arrival that I am able to countdown in hours instead of days or weeks!! I love homecomings--I watch them for all the other ships on the TV when they come back. It is a wonderful, blessed event.

You have done a remarkable job during the last months! You absolutely have handled so many challenges with grace and dignity!! I know you give all the glory to God, but it's OK to feel a little proud of yourself too!

[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]

The biggest thing I am proud of myself for, TJ, is the fact that I finally decided to shut up, stop trying to control things I had no control over, and allowed God to do what he needs to do. Now, I just need to protect those accomplishments and not backslide, no matter what buttons DH tries to push. "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." (Phil. 4:13)

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

I have done a pretty good job of not getting too sucked in by the nuances of DH's emails over the past few months. However, I received one today that just struck me as odd. we have been emailing back and forth about much of nothing--Easter, our niece's wedding, what will happen as far as DH's job when the ship returns. Like I said, much about nothing. But, as i said earlier, something about this email dtruck a chord in me.

I had asked him,in the email prior to this, if there was anything in particular that he wanted to eat when he got home.


This is his response:

SMW,

I have no preference for food right now. I haven’t had much of an appetite in the past week or so. I’ll just be glad to get off of this thing. I’ll be busier than usual tomorrow because of the Tigers. I bought 5 game cards for bingo last night but didn’t win anything. We only had one person from AIMD that got anything from the raffle also. Kind of makes you wonder. The Reactor Dept. got most of the winnings??? I remember being happier than this on the Truman but this place saps it out of you somehow. I just don’t know how they do it, but once I figure it out…….Talk to you guys later. Take care.

DH

Interesting that he has so little appetite with the ship approaching home day by day. No appetite for a week or so also relates to our last phone conversation. The whole conversation revolved around what he was doing, what the kids were up to, and what he had bought for them in England. that was the first thing that struck me.

The second was his comment about being happier on the Truman. That was DH's duty assignment from Dec.2001 to Dec. 2004. During the deployment he made on that ship, I was pregnant with and gave birth to D5. We were disgustingly happy all during that time. We spent a lot of free time together, went out together a lot, and were the couple everyone else envied. It was also when DH wrote me the email I found that clued me into knowing what his LL is. We attended church every week, were both active in choir, and involved with the Children's Church. If this new life is what he wants, why would he have been happier at a time when he did not know OW, when we were very much in love, when things were so different then they are from what he is pursuing now???

Now, I an nervous about going to the pier. I have prayed about this and I am not worried, just anxious. Does that make sense?

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[Kalni]

Hi SMW,
you sense he is sending you a message of somekind? Maybe he is trying to set the "atmosphere" like "I am not in a good state so dont expect us to be living in a bliss when I get back" or something?

Whatever it is, and it could be nothing, just as he says he maybe fed up with that ship, you need to keep your mood, your approach, your optimism and your confidence.

Remember all the DB basic rules and follow them and with your faith and strength, things will go just fine.

Our Greek Orthodox Easter is this Sunday, Saturday is a big day for us. Saturday midnight is the moment of the miracle. I will be thinking of you...
xxx
K

[mindfull]

SMW.... To me, it sounds like he is just DONE with being on the ship! He says, " THIS PLACE saps it out of you somehow..." Maybe he had better living arrangements, better food, better friends/colleagues, etc... Maybe part of it was the expectation of the baby that made the situation happier, but he says THIS PLACE, not THIS TIME IN MY LIFE, or etc... Don't let the evil one in! He's tryin'! You have TOO MUCH prayer and God's love to let this seep in!

CHIN UP! Nerves down!

We're with you!!