I'm sorry she's going through it too. It isn't right nor is it fair for her. XW is damaging her and it breaks my heart to have to sit back and let it happen. I can't control XW, but I wish she was capable of controlling herself.
As for the material things, I know they aren't important, but the quality time together is what counts. Your XH doesn't get it and while the college money will come in handy, his own personal issues will not only deprive him but will lead to some bitterness and/or sadness in his daughter and grandchild. It doesn't appear to be so difficult, but unfortunately for a lot of people it is.
Today, I took McDonald's up to school and had lunch w/D. She didn't want me to leave and preferred to sit w/me instead of playing w/her friends. I'm going back over the next few days to do the same thing and I asked her teacher if she needed any "parent assistance" this week to let me know.
I'm glad I went as there really isn't anything that is more important than spending time I have available w/my D.
