"So what each of us has to do for each other is to give our partner the thing that we each subconsciously yearn for the most: in my case, acceptance / admiration; and in her case security. What each of us has to do for ourselves is to recognize and work to reduce the influence of our basic fear in our lives: in my case, fear of rejection, and her her case, fear of abandonment.
The hard part, for us and the therapist, is the fact that we have over 20 years of personal relationship history which reenforced each of our basic fears with each other. I have over 20 years of various rejections -- refusals of emotional and / or physical intimacy -- to overcome and rebuild trust around. My wife has over 20 years of various abandonments -- from my going out to sea, disappearing into the 'man-cave' for months at a time, or completely absorbing myself in work/school -- to overcome and rebuild trust around. Staring with 'fresh' relationships would almost be easier...."
IS MINDBLOWING.
Seriously. I wonder how common this is... That we are attracted to someone who represents something in our subconscious/psychological history... Who we make our object of resolution, subconsciously... And who we might be handling/communicating with in a way that keeps reinforcing the never-ending pain rather than nurturing the resolution.
Though not everyone suffers abuse from their childhood, we all see the world through our own eyes, shaped significantly from our childhood experiences. I wonder if the idea of working through whatever we're stuck on from our past has something to do with the old adage that girls always marry their fathers and boys always marry their mothers.
I only had Psych I in college, so maybe this stuff is obvious to those of you who have studied more. I find this fascinating.
I hope you and Mrs. Baggy can untangle your way to become each other's perfect, sweet, satisfying love. Whatever that is, I think only Michelangelo could depict its heavenly status! (Sorry, I know I tend to get kooky.)
