Quote from Baggy: "My therapist says that it was (and is) my sub-conscious yearning to finally prove myself and achieve the loving, intimate relationship that I never had with my mother, using my wife as her proxy."
Is it wrong? I mean, is it wrong to seek resolution to childhood trauma in adult R's? My hunch is that it is OK to do that, as long as it is not imposing dysfunction or done solely out of gratifying one's self. Just curious about your thoughts on this.
Sometimes, I sense extreme disapproval when someone is being called out as a Nice Guy or when someone is being scolded for seeking validation or approval. I think there is a place for striving to be nice and kind toward fellow humankind, for looking for validation when you are unsure of your footing, for seeking approval from those who you look up to, for communicating with emotion. Sometimes, in my opinion, those things are perfectly OK. It's when it gets twisted in manipulative behavior that is not so nice, but even then it is rarely deserving of some of the harsh treatment that I have seen amongst Nice Guys at times.
So, now I am wondering. Is "making it right", whether consciously or subconsciously, in your adult life OK on some level? Or, is it a part of you that you have to "let go" of and strive to not let it make a bit of difference as a grown up (sort of like having the part of your brain that houses the experience and associated trauma removed)?
