It is all a matter of perspective, too. Don't forget that you didn't screw your M up all by yourself. I think we LBSs get it drilled into us that it was all our fault the marriage is falling apart. This is almost always complete hogwash. We are not completely to blame for the breakdown of our marriages. Regardless of how much fault lies with us, it does not excuse walking away, having an affair, and/or throwing out their marital commitments and vows as well.
Do not beat yourself up over your perceived failures and weaknesses too much. We all make mistakes and we were all less-than-perfect husbands and fathers. That is why we are DB'ing now: because we want to be better! The sooner we can let the past go as a bygone, and look toward a better future, the sooner our spouses will come to their senses!
Also, when you do get the reconciliation phase, be thinking about the changes that you want to see in your Sp. Was (s)he perfect in all respects? Absolutely not! There are probably a ton of things that you would want to see them change, too. Don't lose sight of the fact that they need to grow and improve through this process as well. If they are basically the same, and we are some much better, more attentive, and more loving, don't we have the right to expect some improvements i our Sp too?
Keep your chins up and don't be so down on yourselves. It IS easier said than done, I know it! But, it is possible and it is the easier road for us to go forward!
Hope everyone's week is off to a good start!
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
