Glad to hear that you had such a good time with D1. Gosh, your wife sure doesn't know how she is depriving your D from having a great dad living at home.
Hey, your post made me wonder if since we all cope with our sitch in different ways, maybe your focus on the legal process of divorce and being in war mode allows you to suppress the hurt and disappointment that we all feel.
But I agree with Pup, you already know what she's up to. She doesn't need to admit anything.
Also, personally I think that you should not expose to extended family etc. I feel it will backfire and make you look bitter. Someone once told me a saying: It's not the situation, its your reaction to the situation, Strange enough, if your reaction is not of the best its funny that you will end up looking like the bad guy. IMHO.
Hey, by the way, it seems like I do need your expertise though on how to get evidence to prove adultery.
Glad to hear that you had such a good time with D1. Gosh, your wife sure doesn't know how she is depriving your D from having a great dad living at home.
Hey, your post made me wonder if since we all cope with our sitch in different ways, maybe your focus on the legal process of divorce and being in war mode allows you to suppress the hurt and disappointment that we all feel.
But I agree with Pup, you already know what she's up to. She doesn't need to admit anything.
Also, personally I think that you should not expose to extended family etc. I feel it will backfire and make you look bitter. Someone once told me a saying: It's not the situation, its your reaction to the situation, Strange enough, if your reaction is not of the best its funny that you will end up looking like the bad guy. IMHO.
Hey, by the way, it seems like I do need your expertise though on how to get evidence to prove adultery.
Yeah my W has taken a lot of things for granted. We all do sometimes. Right now she is in la-la land so trying to argue with her seems futile.
My IC told me that she believed my obsessive documentation/legal preparations was probably hiding that much pain. Since I've backed off the preparations I've been feeling a lot more of the hurt/sadness/nostalgia. It has made it difficult to maintain my composure and steadfast desire to dominate her legally - but I just have to remind myself of what she tried to do to me.
And yes... I know she is having an A, she knows she is having an A - I'm just the type of person that expects honesty.
I agree with you that I should continue taking the high road. The temptation is there to go scorched earth on her as well, since that is what she has attempted with me.
I also replied in your thread. Hope my advice helps.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
I certainly can empathize with these kinds of thoughts, but really -- what purpose would it serve? Don't you pretty much know "the truth" anyway???
fwiw, I did, in my situation, finally re-confront my wife at about the 60-day mark, and insist that she stop lying about me to her parents and our daughters, and that if she DIDN'T stop, I would share my evidence of her affair with them. I figured I couldn't stop her from lying about her affair, but I damned sure was going to make sure she stopped lying about me.
Puppy
I guess the only purpose is feeding my desire not to be lied to. I gave enough of my life to this person that I feel the absolute least I deserve is the truth from her own mouth. I've always been honest with her, and I've always done exactly what I said I was going to do.
I know I'm being lied to. She knows she is lying. I figure there is no point to it, because all she is doing in the end is causing more damage.
In your situation, how did your re-confront go?
I'll see if I can find my script that I wrote around here somewhere, and clean it up (delete personal names, etc.) and post it.
Attorney called yesterday, the Judge has issued a hearing next week on my motion for psychological evaluation. W's attorney hasn't even filed a response to the motion and it has been almost 2 weeks since I filed it.
W + MIL have been extremely nice since I've filed it... they probably don't know everything I have. Apparently the Judge wanted to hear for himself rather than just ordering the evaluation first. To see if I'm full of crap, or to see if there is anything to my allegations.
Pretty sure W's attorney is now going to be playing damage control rather than going after me as hard as they were at first. I sort of took the wind out of their sails with the first evidence bomb.
Will see W tomorrow to give her a copy of the tax return. Anticipating she'll be waffling not liking that she only gets 33% of the return.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
You could always break down for her how much in federal income taxes she paid IN, in proportion to what YOU paid in, last year. Considering the extreme progressivity of our current tax policy, I bet it's closer to 10/90 than it is to 33/67.
You could always break down for her how much in federal income taxes she paid IN, in proportion to what YOU paid in, last year. Considering the extreme progressivity of our current tax policy, I bet it's closer to 10/90 than it is to 33/67.
Puppy
Quite likely. I am a man of my word however and promised her to break it down based on income. I attached an Excel Spreadsheet printout to show how I figured it.
I adapted the military "shock and awe" doctrine of "rapid dominance" to hostile divorce proceedings.
1. Near total or absolute knowledge and understanding of self, adversary, and environment 2. Rapidity and timeliness in application 3. Operational brilliance in execution 4. Near total control and signature management of the entire operational environment
Originally Posted By: Rapid Dominance
It is the desired state of helplessness and lack of will. It can be induced -sic- by direct force applied to command and control centers, selective denial of information and dissemination of disinformation, overwhelming combat force, and rapidity of action.
Timeline: 2/2/2009 Served with D papers 2/4/2009 Hired attorney 2/5/2009 Hired P.I. 2/6/2009 Got adultery evidence 2/9/2009 Counter-filed on grounds of adultery
During the period between this and the first hearing I gathered additional evidence, pulled together what I needed, and got ready for a hopeful knockout punch. What I achieved instead was having them back off and reassess their own situation. They began delay tactics, putting off court proceedings, etc.
I used this period to gather additional evidence and build a stronger case based on facts I learned about her mental history and current behavior. Since W has been lying to her attorney the entire time, hitting them with the Psychological evaluation has got to have shifted the momentum entirely away. They attempted to take the initiative initially but that advantage has now disappeared and they didn't get the initial knockout blow they were aiming for. I'm just getting geared up.
On one front the D has taken care of itself because if it reaches trial she will be found at fault. On the other front, I'm going for custody based on the best interests of D1, which is a good position to be in. D1 is their only bargaining chip, and I intend to remove that from the table. My daughter is not a pawn.
They picked the absolute worst father to go after like they did.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
If you want to see a good re-enactment of the first hearing, go watch Monty Python's Holy Grail movie. I'm the rabbit. "RUN AWAY!"
I don't think they have a Holy Hand Grenade handy though.
I'm a very efficient person. I'm also in my element in legal proceedings because I find them fascinating and research legal cases all the time. Just got finished with a Business Law class last semester as well.
During my last custody soirée I was very involved with my attorney in fighting and learning the nuances of child custody. I know way more now than I did then.
Custody should be based on more than anatomy. Who will provide the more stable, consistent, and loving environment for the child?
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
