The Bumpy Road to Recovery #2

[Bagheera]

An update on the sitch;

After reconnecting (better) with each other -- physically and emotionally -- since my last post here, our session with the therapist last week went VERY well, indeed.

(1) The wife agreed, and without a lot of resistance, to allow the therapist to delve into her past (abuses and otherwise); show her how it is affecting her, her sexuality, and her relationship with me today; and then begin work to make changes. I can still detect some remaining challenge in her voice, in that she feels like she's already been to counseling and addressed those issues (for several months when the flashbacks occurred in 1987), and that it's over and done with and -not- affecting her now (from her perspective). However, she's on board with revisiting those areas again and following the therapist's suggestions.

(2) We also talked about how while the plateau that we enjoyed in Jan-Feb of this year was wonderful (and necessary, from my wife's perspective, in order to give her the motivation to keep on slogging), it was unsustainable, particularly from my perspecitve --> in that 90% of the work regarding physical intimacy and our sexual relationship was still being done by me. In order for that aspect of our relationship to be sustainable, she needs to be less passive (both in and out of the bedroom), and more active / assertive.

(3) Finally, we discussed how I need her to begin moving towards what I desire sexually, in the same manner that I have been working to move myself towards what she desires sexually. In other words, the more she takes on the characteristics of -my- sexual archetype (what really turns me on and lights my fire) the more enabled I will be to take on the characteristics of -her- sexual archetype (and vice versa).

So the woman I love comes through once again, in showing her love for me and willingness to work at making this a successful, happy, and (for a change) healthy relationship. I hate that it often has to come to a crisis state or a cusp for her to finally say "Fine, I'll move already!", BUT when she does decide to move, she generally follows through on it and doesn't look back.

-- B.