I am finding it harder and harder to get up each day and go to my job.
The last 2 jobs I have had have been eye opening experiences for me in regards to being in the "real world".
I have always worked for myself and been able to stay at home, which I truly miss.
I know it isn't the work, I actually enjoy what I do, I just hate the fact that people who know absolutely nothing about running a "food" business are running the business into the ground because they have no idea as to what they are doing.
They ask for my opinion, and then do things their own way, and when it fails it falls back onto my shoulders.
I spent hours planning things for "their" business, getting them the best deals, making menu's that actually work, revise the schedules that work best for the employees, and still it just isn't enough for them.
I was promised a raise and health insurance back in October, that never happened. Oh, actually the Owner who was thrilled by the fact that I had increased the business by so much, took me aside in February and told me that he was giving me a raise and not to let anyone know.
The raise was 50 cents an hour.
He now uses that as leverage, by telling me that I get more then anyone else so I need to do more work.
I am so frustrated, but in this economy jobs are hard to come by.
Part of my frustration also lies in the fact that I have nothing to fall back on financially anymore. During the MLC everything in savings and retirement got spent and there is nothing left.
I started working outside the home when my Husband came back home to try and help us to get out of debt and help to get us back on track again. Sometimes I feel so resentful as I didn't create the mess, but I guess thats part of Marriage, working together to fix a problem.
I have thought about going back to school but with 2 kids in College and 2 kids in braces, and all of the other expenses that 8 children create, that seems impossible.
I would like to have my own business, but I don't qualify for any SBA loans or grants. I even contacted MIL to see if there was a possibility that she could start to repay the $47K she still owes me, but that went over like a lead balloon.
So maybe I am having a pity party of sorts, I am sorry to gripe and moan and bitch.
I just expected so much more for my life and although I do not have a bad life, and I have many blessings, I have nothing to show for myself, and at my age I thought I would be more settled.
Thanks for listening.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
