WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 7

[confusedinpa]

I have 4 words for you. SNAP OUT OF IT!

You went from being very strong in terms of keeping the DB principles to being self-centered again. Re-read your posts from yesterday and today. "I" don't believe in this, "I" don't believe in that. "I" don't know how I feel.

What happened to being compassionate to what your W wants? If you don't go back to being compassionate to her needs and wants, you are dooming yourself to failure.

I've really given it much deeper thinking of late. I see how I've gotten more focused on me than on her. I hope that it hasn't pushed her even further away.

I do see how I haven't gotten comfortable with any parenting agreement as it's not what I want, I want to keep the family together. This is something that she needs to achieve what she wants. I believe this is where compassion/love starts, doing something its what someone you love needs, even if it's not what you want.

I told her that as I showed her the letter of understanding that outlined what we discussed the other day. She seemed to calm down somewhat, not sure if it's because she is seeing progress in moving out or if she feels the compassion/love that I'm trying to show.

When she asked me to help her take apart a bookcase/wall unit, I told her its not what I want to do as it hurts to see her leave, but because I do love her, I will help if she wants me to. I wasn't enthusiastic when I helped her, but I wasn't mean/nasty, just sad.

She has taken the day off today to move. I have my therapy appointment today so I won't be home till late. I wonder what will be left.

I must remember, neither my wife nor my marriage makes me happy. I have the power to choose to be happy, whether I with my wife or not. I will not make myself feel powerless by trying to control what my wife does, these are her choices. The only person I can control is myself. The only person I can change is myself. So that is what I will focus on. I will be the best man, friend and father I can be, for myself, for my sons.

I will survive and thrive.