To me, being a friend is being supportive, being honest, sharing the highs and lows and with respect to my H, not just sharing chitchat only..something a bit deeper.
I don't think what H and I have right now is truly a two-way friendship, more of a one-way(my effort, my support, my honesty)relationship. What I had tried to convey to H was that I couldn't be his friend(support, care, listen to his daily life) if he was seeing OW and continuing the A.
I just know emotionally I have a hard time thinking friendly thoughts, being friendly around my H, if I know he is sleeping with another woman while still married to me. I would feel like a doormat.
KJ, I think you're struggling with the frustration of not being able to be your H's friend. This is something you would like, but as you say it's a one way street at this time, due to the honesty issue. You were hoping that your declaration of withdrawing friendship would influence him (a test?). It didn't work, and now you must speak with your actions.
You will need to work on acceptance of the current status of your M, and experiment with boundaries, until you find a connection-distance ratio that works for you.
The feelings you're describing are human. Compassion from a distance is the goal, but it takes mental work, realignment of boundaries, and self-care to get to that point.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
