You've answered your own question. The best way to play this is to do what's best for your children and for you, in that order, and not worry about whether or not it causes "conflict" with your wife. Now is not the time to be timid. No, you don't go into it with the intention of being a dikk, but as I like to say, there's a reason they put that little "v" between the names of the parties. It's adversarial.
Put it this way: how confident are you in the wisdom of your wife's decision-making lately? People in a wayward mindset are probably not the ones best positioned to do what's best for the children.
