Hi Kimmie Lee, Easter is next week for us but Christos Anesti to you!!!
It wasnt a rough convo Bbj, nowdays, ANY kind of convo sounds better than no thing to me. It was a bit frustrating because he said something about his best friend that made me furious and a few other times he was defensive/mean and it made me realise that if I am far from reconciliting mood he is thousands miles away... He is constantly defensive even when I dont talk about him, even when I talk about ME and I try to do that and not use phrases or a tone of voice that could feel threatening to him.
He said I reject everybody I dont like what they are telling me/ doing. When I asked for explanations, he said I rejected his best friend and his wife for staying neutral and not taking my side.
What he had forgotten is that after me trying for a month to contact them his bf told me on the phone (had to call from my cell using the feature that doesnt show the number for him to answer), that his wife and he decided not to talk to me anymore because "I didnt answer to 2 of her text messages" the week H left me. Until this day I do not remember receiving any messages from her. I know that if I had recieved any I would have responded and called back because back then I was in the crazy mode, trying to talk to anybody that may had some info from H, let alone the fact that I considered them friends and that she (the wife) and I had been on the phone several times where she was telling me to f@ck him because he wasnt worth of my love.
So..., she wasnt neutral and she was supportive and I didnt have a complain from her. Same with his BF. We both know she is crazy, self absorved person and we just smiled at her doings. Accepting her. But I am not going to continue to accept her behavior or beg for anyone's friendship. Plus I think her husband (whom I've known for 15 years (more than my H) obeyed to his wife to not talk to me anymore. What a eunich!!! (is this correct, I mean "with no balls"). He said he "thought the reason we didnt talk was because they didnt take my side" and I amde it clear that at least she took my side talking to me and that I wasnt stupid to expect his BF to take my side (he did anyway calling him an idiot for leaving us). I told him it was insulting to think that and he changed the subject.
naej, his exact words were "falling for an American and moving to NY"(I NEVER use that, afraid that if we finally divorce he could get insecure and include clauses in the divorce not in my favor). I almost told him, "it is more probable than you know" and leave him wondering but didnt. Sometimes I amaze myself with my strength to keep my mouth shut (thanks to DBing). The point of course is that he doesnt think it's probable for me to fall for someone else. I told him that since I am not happy emotionally, sexually, companioinship wise it is likely that I will soon start "looking around". He said "yes of course you could but I havent thought of that option".
I dont know if he is depressed. Because he never had any kind of passion for anything except maybe our kids and football. naej, back when I met him, he lived on my passion. I didnt notice, so to speak, early enough...
ITH, my H is going to IC because "it just happened" as he said. No books, no physical exercise, no time for thinking, no time for doing fun things. He is happy with no passion in his life. Content. It's the way he is. I like excitement. Dont get me wrong, besides my kids, little things more than bigger things. Like a song I listened to recently, a trip I maybe planning, a TV show, a color, a perfume, a taste I try, etc etc ... and most of all, passion for the man I love.
The most frustrating thing of all, was when he said "we had a lovely weekend" and I felt we had a lovely weekend coparenting but a lousy weekend as parents. He is stuck to the past and how we were and it seems like he has forgotten how it feels like to be a couple, loving and enjoying life together.
Ali, better be right about May cause I've been counting on it!!! xxx K
