PD, It is really difficult as you said with the mixed signals. Damn frustrating is what it is. She called a while ago. She had dinner downtown. Get this, she told me it was with a "friend" from another town that owed her money. He is an "older" guy that used to work in her building. Ok, I could look at this three different ways. 1st the optimistic way--she is telling the truth and it means nothing, hence the reason she called to make sure I knew about. 2nd the pessimistic way--she had a fling with this "older" guy(she never did say how old--hell, 40 is older than her), he borrowed money and was going to pay her back and try to restart stuff and she called just in case someone saw her and didn't want me to think there was anything going on. 3rd--Hell, I shouldn't even waste time thinking about it as I haven't done anything wrong and what she's doing is sucking the lifeforce right out of me. We did talk for about 20 minutes though so I wanna believe that she is still leaning towards coming home. I HAVE TO PLAN LIKE WE ARE STILL GETTING A DIVORCE THOUGH! If I don't tell myself this, I am setting myself up for failure I believe at this point. MAKE UP YOUR FREAKING MIND ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!! Thoughts?????
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Detach, dude -- remember what my DB Coach said. She's going to go full-bore WAW after the successful date because she feels like she's losing control. Ride it out.
I hear you guys. It is soooo hard to detach and what she's doing is very, very cruel if she doesn't follow through. We are supposed to go out for lunch Tuesday. I have done my best to have a PMA around her. I have a feeling she is waiting to see if I get promoted or not. I think, unfortunately that will drive her decision. We'll see. All I know is that if she goes through with the divorce, I will never want to see her again and will take the necessary steps so I don't have to for the most part. Ugh, damn rollercoaster is making me sick!
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Go back to what you were doing before, and remember, do not give up, for your daughters sake, you are so close, but if you press it, you lose, you have to give her the decision to come back, you cannot "make" if for her.
I do not like you saying, I wish she would make a decision either way, that sounds like giving up on your daughter. Your daughter needs you and her for the best chance at a good life. So do not give up on her, your wife is probably getting ready to make that decision because she knows that your promotion may be coming, and then she has to do something one way or the other, now is not the time to panic, or get all mushy on me with all of your "feelings".
I do not like you saying, I wish she would make a decision either way, that sounds like giving up on your daughter. Your daughter needs you and her for the best chance at a good life. So do not give up on her, your wife is probably getting ready to make that decision because she knows that your promotion may be coming, and then she has to do something one way or the other, now is not the time to panic, or get all mushy on me with all of your "feelings".
Ok, thanks, I needed that slap. You are right. What's important right now is my daughter. I will make sure that she has the best life possible. That makes it much easier to focus.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
I always told myself in the beginning that I would leave her ass so quick she would not know what hit her, but for my two boys I would go forever trying to keep the mariage together. I realized quickly or in the long term if she did not come back, it was the best way for me to survive through a divorce.
I have big shoulders, pile it on, I can take it!
Be in it for the long haul because it will be longer than you want it to be, but it will be shorter than you thought after it is over.
I am new to all of this and haven't received my books to be able to give any relevant advice. I, however, wanted to let you know that focusing on your child and getting right with yourself will benefit you no matter what the outcome. I wish you well!
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
