WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 7

[confusedinpa]

It was another tough nite

She was really angry after the conversation on when to tell the kids. I told her we should wait till the day before or the day she actually leaves.

She came into my den and started stressing and venting about being angry. She said she wasn't making any progress in leaving and feels that she is angry to the point she was going to leave right then and there. I tried to be compassionate and acknowledge her feelings. I didn't appologize for anything but then showed her the "Letter of understanding" I put together based on our conversation. She made some corrections to grammer and then said she wasn't going to sign anything until she reviewed it with her lawyer. Dang it. I said it was just to capture what we had discussed. She said she agreed that it captured what we agreed to the other nite. She emailed it to herself and I asked her to copy me

Then she got a call and said she had to go pick up the uhaul truck. WTF?!?!?

She said there was a snafu as she was suppose to pick it up tomorrow but the reservation got messed up

Anyway she said she had to go and will be back later

My boys and I ate the meatloaf dinner she made for us. They asked where mom was and I just said she had an errand to run

When she got home, she appologized for missing dinner. She tried to be nice but I had enough for today

After we put the kids to bed, she then asked me to help her take apart the bookcase. I told her I didn't want to as it would be too painful for me. Because I do love her, I would if she wanted me to. She said she did want me to. So I took apart the bookcase/wallunit.

She then started splitting up the kids books while I surfed the web for a replacement bookcase/wall unit.

I reviewed how she had split things up, I made some adjustments and got a little emotional. I just said "This s**ks".

After we were done, I told her that I wished I understood the extent of the problem last year and we were able to talk like we are now. She started to cry but I think more of recalling her hurt than remorse

I asked her about a comment she made a few times this weekend, where she said that I would just move on and forget about her. I asked if that's what she really wanted.

She started saying how she really doesn't know what she wants. She said she thought I would just get mad and move on. She started to cry again

I did acknowledge her hurt and said that I see that I didn't hurt her by making her feel unloved, but she felt unloveable (from the book "Love without Hurt"). I told her that she is loveable and I do love her. I said I had tried to show her to the best I could in the past but I understand it differently now. I did it with my head before, but now its with my heart.

I told her we could make it different if we gave it a chance. She just nodded and cried a little more

She then said it was late and she was tired.

So she's moving out tomorrow

I have my therapist appointment tomorrow as well. She also said that she's not going the following week either as she would be just settling into her new place. She said she would go the week after that. I said if that's what she wanted to do

Its going to be a tough week