I Never Imagined Being Here

[Making_IT]

Thank you guys for the support. It means more than you can imagine.

Today has been very tough. I am not sure if I slid backwards today or not. My wife and I spoke on the phone this afternoon for a while. It started with the all too common theme of she tried to tell me, it was under my nose and I didn't see it.

She then went on to say that she can't understand how I feel that she was disrespectful with how she handled the situation. I stood my ground and explained that I felt she ran away and abandoned our marriage, home, friendships and family to start a new life for herself. I feel left on the sidelines and in limbo because she can't decide what she wants to do right now. These are my true feelings and I feel that I should stand by them right now. I do feel some relief about telling her this and that she is still thinking about it. Although, I do have some concern that she may be modifying the meaning in her mind to justify leaving the marriage (my usual fear that I need to get under control). Am I handling this the right way in your opinion?

I talked to her about us seeing individual counselors or therapists and she said that she isn't seeing anyone for herself because she feels well balanced and not in need. I mentioned that this may help her in deciding what she wants and she at least acknowledged this. I am not getting my hopes up on this though, it will be her decision.

The conversation did end on a more positive tone. We actually lightened up and complimented each other on the other's character. I told her that while I am upset and our conversations have been deep and difficult, that I am not attacking her character or who she is. I told her that she is a great person. I just don't agree with walking away from everything as suddenly as she did. She responded with compliments on my character and that she finds me to be fun and funny.

The complimenting lead to us talking about starting with a friendship. We discussed that since the ordeal, we haven't been able to be friends. We talked about finding something to do together on Tuesday night. I am hoping like hell that we can go have a light-hearted fun afternoon together, but I told her to call me if she wants to do something. I didn't want to push it on her. Any suggestions on this?

Once again thank you all for the support. It has been a tough weekend. I just got in from a 3 hr workout and it seems to have settled me down some.