Sorry you are here with the rest of us, but hopefully you have found the right place.
From what you have said of your sitch, you seem to have figured out what you need to do - stop being her child and become someone with whom she wants an R.
Keep posting and everyone here will pile on to help you - either with sympathy, advice, or a smack upside the head, whichever you seem to need most at the moment.
For now, I'll leave you with only the following advice:
1) If you haven't already, back off and stop the pursuit! There is a list floating around that makes it more clear, and it is outlined in the DB book, but basicly realize that anything you do to court her, convince her, etc is just going to be seen as pressure and will push her away. Stop!
2) Focus on yourself. You seem to have figured it out - now make it permanent and stick.
3) Detach Detach Detach -- Do whatever it takes to stop focusing in her. I know it is hard - it really is for all of us -- but it is the only thing which will successfully enable you to do 1 and 2 above.
A final note / question: I don't want to unnecessarily bring up any doubt or fears in your mind, but is there another man in the situation? With your W a long way away in a school situation, it is possible that something may have developed. From my own sitch and from reading what has happened here on the boards, it seems pretty common that such a change in a spouses feelings toward you are very often accompanied by / precipitated by an Emotional Affair (EA)(or Physical Affair (PA)). In many cases (mine included) the existence of and true extent of the A don't come out until long after the bomb is dropped.
Again, this is just a question - don't want to seed unnecessary fears - but if there is an EA, then it definitely complicates the issue. It is unlikely that the WAW will notice any of the changes that you are making as long as the A is in progress, or even for a while afterwards, so remember to be making these changes for you. You are the one who has to be happy with them and be able to sustain them long term for yourself.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
